


Things Left Buried

by Marzipanda



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Body Image, Collars, Dubious Consent, Humiliation, Internalized Homophobia, Loki (Marvel) Angst, M/M, Multi, Slave Loki (Marvel), Slavery, more characters/relationships to be added later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:16:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marzipanda/pseuds/Marzipanda
Summary: When exploring ruins in search of ancient Aesir technology, an artifact from Asgard's dark past resurfaces and finds its way around Loki's neck.(Rape/noncon as a warning and because there is no dubcon in real life, but most if not all content should fall firmly in the area of dubcon.)





	1. The Collar

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tony's Thrall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12188148) by [EndlessStairway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndlessStairway/pseuds/EndlessStairway). 



> Thrall collars were originally thought of by EndlessStairway and used with her permission. I wanted to play around with the idea of them and the changed dynamics if Loki hadn't previously been abused. This is set at some nebulous point after Infinity War where everyone is alive and Loki is a prisoner of the Avengers. While I don't intend for anything to become seriously noncon, I realize that dubcon irl is noncon so I tagged it as such.
> 
> If you have any suggestions or questions, you can find me at marzipandandy on tumblr!

Stark had a penchant for making all his homes have walls in varying shades of metallic gray. He insisted it was ‘contemporary style’. Loki hated it. What he hated even more was that now he was leaning against the wall, avoiding meeting anyone’s eyes, he couldn’t help but see the blue light of the collar around his neck bounce off of it.

“So, let me get this straight.” Stark sounded exasperated. “On your little jaunt to the stars, you ended up getting some magic death necklace on your brother? Didn’t you bring him along to help you  _ avoid _ traps?”

“This isn’t a trap,” Loki said, watching his blurry reflection. “This is something else entirely.”

“Then what is it?”

Loki sighed and forced his eyes over to Thor. “Your majesty,” he said, as calmly as he could manage. “Explaining will be difficult enough. Your presence would make it that much harder.”

Thor’s eyes were wide with concern and his fingers flexed on Stormbreaker. He hadn’t put it away since the collar appeared. Loki knew it was a comfort for him, but it set everyone else in the room on edge. “Are you asking me to leave?” his brother asked, looking like he hoped for all the world it wasn’t so.

“Yes, br-” he began and tensed. He felt the magical bond tighten over him. It wasn’t enough to be painful yet, but it could so easily become it. “Yes, your majesty,” he amended, and the magic relaxed again.

His pause had only served to make his brother more worried. “Loki-”

“Please, your majesty,” Loki said, rubbing his temple. “I beg of you.” He said it as flatly as he could, not allowing it to actually sound like a plea. Thor was worried that he wasn’t acting like himself, and he had every right to be, but he couldn’t exactly order Thor to leave anymore. He hoped the words conveyed how serious he was and the lack of earnest feeling would allow it to sound at least partially like himself.

For a second, it looked like Thor would argue. Then he deflated. “Okay,” he said quietly. “I’ll...I’ll be down the hall.”

“See you soon,” Loki said, to comfort himself as much as his brother. Thor nodded and walked out the door, throwing one last look over his shoulder before it swung shut behind him.

Loki glanced at the room at large before again staring at his reflection. Stark was here, of course. It was his house. The Captain, who had joined them on their ill-fated venture, was also present. Romanoff, Banner, and Strange just happened to have been around at the time.

“So,” Stark said. “Care to explain now?”

“This is a thrall collar,” Loki said plainly. “I believe the word you would use is ‘slave’.”

There was no one in the room that was unaffected by this revelation. Stark himself recoiled as if Loki had said a particularly dirty word. “I think I shall stick to saying thrall.”

“Um,” Banner cut in. “Why am I getting the impression that we can’t just release you?”

Loki studied his hands. “I read books on the subject when I was a child. Most records were destroyed, but I know a decent amount. It’s part of Asgard’s dark history, so I wanted to learn all I could about it. Thralls were outlawed long before I was born.” His fingers twined together. “From what I read, the usual way of removing a collar from a thrall was by beheading.” He glanced up at Rogers and quickly looked away. “Though, I still hope that my master might be able to release me just by speaking it.”

“Your  _ master _ ?” Stark asked incredulously.

Loki swallowed. “Yes,” he said, and then in a near whisper forced out, “Steve Rogers is my master.”

Rogers recoiled. “Don’t call me that,” he ordered, horrified, and the trap was set. Loki could feel the pressure if it twisting around him, ready to dig into his skin.

“Stark,” he said, trying to maintain a cool nonchalance despite the fact he could feel the blood draining from his face. “Thralls are required to address their masters as “master”. Failure to do so is...unpleasant. The collar has its own rules, and if an order given to a thrall conflicts with the binding, there is no way to avoid punishment. It is not my place to criticize any free man, of course, but perhaps if that  _ isn’t  _ the desired effect one ought to know.” He glanced over at Rogers, hoping he had understood.

The man pursed his lips but nodded. “You can call me master,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Thank you, master.”

“So you can’t speak freely, huh,” Stark said, running a hand through his hair.

“Freely enough, Stark, provided you listen.”

“Alright, well,” Rogers said, lifting a hand towards Loki. “I release you,” he announced firmly.

The collar stayed exactly where it was.

“I free you,” Rogers tried again. “I no longer require your service. You’re a free man.”

Loki pressed his lips together. “I had hoped that would work,” he admitted. “Thank you for trying, master.”

“Okay, how did this even happen?” Stark sounded angry, and the binding pressed on him again in case he was the cause of it.

“This has been inert for thousands of years, at least,” Loki said, tapping the gem at his throat. “It’s a magical artifact with a rudimentary intelligence and a drive to make thralls...serve their purpose.” He swallowed. “The need to fulfill its own purpose grew strong as time passed, by my guess. It’s energy built slowly, but over the years it gained enough that it would be able to warp space around it.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Even so, I would have been fine if I had not been a prisoner. Thor was safe when he approached it. However, it saw I was not a free man, and thus could justify making me a thrall. It used its stored power to change reality and put itself around my neck.”

“Again, weren’t you supposed to be looking for traps?”

“This wasn’t a trap, Stark. No one intended for this to happen. I didn’t know this was even possible until an hour ago.” He crossed his arms over his chest, starting again at the wall. “I should probably tell you what happens now,” he ventured. “I’m running out of time.”

“It’s going to _ kill you _ ?” Bruce said, horrified.

Loki held up a hand. “Thank you for your concern, but no. It will just not allow me to speak. However, I think that will be a bit of a problem for all of us.” He took a deep breath. “It will not allow me to eat, either, or look any of you in the eye. I...don't imagine I shall enjoy it.” He glanced back at the others and immediately regretted it, but he had to make himself continue. He lifted his chin, daring one of them to interrupt. “I will not be able to do so again until I...fulfill the role of a thrall.”

“What is that?” Rogers asked, setting his jaw.

Loki struggled to find the words. Part of him wanted to just say it plainly and be done with it, but he just couldn’t bring himself to. “These collars weren’t made for normal slaves. They were originally intended for those who had been enthralled as a punishment for their crimes, to ensure that all who wear one...suffer.” His fingers were shaking slightly, and he took a deep breath. He had to keep talking. He had to tell them, or he would be stuck for who knows how long, waiting for them to figure it out for themselves.

“The suffering is mostly in the form of humiliation unless the thrall’s master or...or whoever they give permission to wants to inflict pain.” He was stalling. He was stalling, and it wasn’t going to make saying it any easier. He tapped the gem again as a way to ground himself. “The ones who wear these are forced to...” he squeezed his eyes shut and made himself say the words. “Forced to become bed slaves.”

He heard the other people in the room shift, but couldn’t look up. He didn’t want to let them touch him, and yet he would have to beg for it.  They would most likely refuse him at first and search for a different solution while he starved. He focused on holding himself together. He would be strong.

Stark was the first to speak. “Wait,” he said, his voice sounding breathless from horror. “You...you won’t be able to speak unless we  _ have sex with you _ ?”

Loki couldn’t stop the full body shudder that rolled through him. At least they knew now. They wouldn’t have to struggle to figure it out and hurt him in the process.

“Oh fuck, I’m shouldn’t have said that.” Stark’s voice was almost a whisper.

“It wouldn’t work unless my master gave you permission,” he said, trying not to think too hard about what he was saying. For his own sanity, he needed to remain detached. “I am only allowed to...with my master, and whoever my master wishes. I will be punished.”

“Fuck,” Stark breathed. “We need to get that off you.”

“That is easier said than done,” Loki said, daring to crack his eyes open again. All their focus was on him, and he tried to square his shoulders. “I...it might be possible for less extreme things to give me time.” He clung to the hope that they would. “I have never been a thrall. I’m not sure how accurate it was, but I read an account that new thralls were...given a bit of leeway. To be eased into it. If that’s true, then...” He wished he knew a less juvenile sounding word. “Just...kissing might work. For a bit.” Saying it left a bad taste in his mouth.

“Oh, Jesus,” Stark said, sinking into a seat and running both hands through his hair.

Strange had his eyes on Stark. He had been tensely watching from the background, letting the other man take the lead, but now he had to step forward. “Let me see it,” he said firmly. “My magic is different. Maybe I can do something.”

Loki took a shaky breath and nodded, his eyes fixed on the man’s hands as they reached towards his neck. He shivered when they touched the collar. His skin crawled, as disgustingly sensitive as it was when he saw a spider.

“This is...complex,” Strange finally admitted, his voice close to Loki. He stepped back, giving him space. “I think, given time, I could unravel it, but I have no idea how long that would take.”

Loki almost wanted to cry with relief. “Oh thank the norns,” he said instead, his body relaxing minutely. “I don’t have to lose my head.”

“Loki,” Strange said, and the dread began to creep back. “I don’t know how long it will take. Believe me, I wish I could say I could get it off before anything happened, but...”

“But it would be a lie.” Loki ran a hand through his hair. “Still, that’s...better. I will get this damn thing off eventually, at least.” He took a deep breath. “Thank the norns.”

“We should stick to the ‘less extreme’ options, for now,” Strange said, almost muttering to himself. “It’s not ideal, but...” his eyes turned back to meet Loki’s. “Is there anything you don’t want us to do?”

“I don’t want any of this,” Loki griped. It made him feel a bit more like himself. Strange looked as if he was about to apologize, so Loki cut him off. “I know. You didn’t mean it like that. But it’s true, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” It was a moment before he looked up sharply. “Not that I...if at all possible, I’d like to be able to speak.”

Stark lifted his head. “What’re even the...the parameters for this? Does someone have to come, or?”

“Have to what?”

“Orgasm?” he tried. Judging by the color rising on Loki’s face, he understood.

“I...as far as I know, that isn’t necessary,” he said, his eyes on the floor. “I mean, it would...it would give me more time...”

“Okay,” Stark said. “We’ll worry about that later.”

Loki shifted nervously. “I...as far as I know, most things will work. It’s just a matter of how much time it gives me.”

“Okay. What are...what gives you the most time?”

“Humiliation,” Loki said plainly. “As well as...as well as the other person’s satisfaction.”

“Okay, well...” Tony said, looking pale. “We’ll try kissing first, I guess. Is that okay?”

Loki nodded.

“The collar’s getting dimmer,” Strange pointed out. “Is that...”

“I’m running out of time,” Loki confirmed. “One of you explain to my brother, please? I can’t do it.” His eyes found Rogers’, and the man was paler than he had ever seen him. “If it pleases you, master, please don’t leave me in the stricter mode for too long.”

Rogers struggled to find a reply, but before he did Loki’s knees buckled beneath him. It felt as if a heavy weight was on him, like a boot on his back pressing him downwards. His arms dragged themselves towards Rogers, palms to the floor, and his face was pushed into the rug as he bowed to his master.


	2. Prostitutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony brings up a possible solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates on this fic will be sporadic since it isn't my main one, but I have a basic idea of where it's going ;3
> 
> Fair warning: there is a hetero kiss here. I don't know if I should warn for that? the majority of this fic will be m/m so that's what I tagged it, if I've flouted tagging etiquette please let me know. Thank you!

Loki hated the last words he had gotten out just is before he was forced to bow. He wished he could speak without saying please to soften every sentence. Just thinking about giving any free person a command made a pressure begin to build behind his eyes.

The throw rug he was pressed into itched against his face. Loki hoped Rogers would figure out that he had to give him permission to rise soon. The show of submission was physically uncomfortable.

He was trying to ignore how nervous it made him feel.

“Loki? Stand-” Rogers cut himself off, realizing he might have just sentenced Loki to whatever the punishment for receiving a contradictory order would be. “I mean, if you-” but Loki had already taken advantage of the order and shot to his feet.

Loki caught himself before he looked his master in the eye. That would have been entirely his fault if he was hurt for it. He clasped his hands behind his back and waited.

“God, that’s creepy,” he heard Stark say. “So, what do we do now?”

“I’m not sure you need to grant me permission again,” Strange began. “But I’d like to look at how the collar works in this mode.”

“Go ahead.”

Loki saw Strange’s boots step onto the rug in front of him. Out of the corners of his eyes, he watched the man’s hands reach for his neck. He didn’t react this time when he felt them land on the collar.

“Okay,” the man said. “It’s...different. I can focus on what’s changed, see if I can find a weakness there to exploit. I need to create some sort of map for myself, though, because this is complex.”

“You have free access to the lab if you need it.” Stark blurted it out as if he had been waiting for an opportunity to be useful. “I’m not sure if wizards use computers, but the offer’s open.”

“We do, thank you. That will make this easier.”

Loki could hear Stark fidgeting. “Hey, so, uh, I just had a thought that might be able to get us right out of this. We could just, y’know...hire some prostitutes.”

Loki’s blood turned to ice his veins. He squeezed his hands together so tightly that they must have gone white. He hadn’t thought of this, hadn’t for one second entertained the notion that they might hand him over to strangers.

Romanoff spoke for the first time since this ordeal had started. “Loki?” She must have noticed his breathing had quickened, and for once he was glad she was perceptive.

Her approach was audible, and Loki knew she had to be doing it for his benefit. She only stopped when she stood right in front of him. “You want to speak, don’t you?”

So this was it. Here, in front of his former enemies, he had to perform his new role. That was the purpose of the collar: to force those defeated in battle to submit to their own humiliation. He was horrifyingly vulnerable, and he knew it was only going to get worse.

“Nat, you’re not  _ really _ going to kiss him, are you?” Stark asked.

“Depends on if Steve’ll let me.” Loki watched her cross her arms over her chest and shift to face his master. “So?”

“Christ,” he said, and his footfalls sounded rapidly as he began to pace. “I need to...this entire situation just makes me want to head back to the gym and destroy a few punching bags.”

He hadn’t directed any of that at Loki, but all the collar cared about was that Steve was frustrated and angry because of his thrall. He had a second to realize what was happening before he collapsed, writhing in silent agony.

It was over in a moment and Loki found himself curled up on his side, panting. Less than a second after that he noticed a hand was on his arm and scrambled away, shooting a look back. He caught himself again just before he met his master’s eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Steve,” Romanoff said. “Seriously. We need to talk to him.”

“He doesn’t  _ belong _ to me!”

The bonds shifted tighter around Loki, ready to cut into him again. He sprawled on his back, going limp in an attempt to stave it off.

“Steve, for the love of god,  _ stop yelling _ ,” Tony growled.

Loki could hear the man’s breathing coming fast and hard with anger. “Fine. You can all...you can all touch him. Indefinitely. Don’t ask me to say it again.”

As soon as Loki felt the binds retreat, he rolled up onto his knees. He was given about a minute for his breathing to even out, and then Romanoff knelt in front of him. He concentrated on keeping his breath slow and calm. The situation was terrible, but kissing itself could be nice. He could just pretend, to himself, that-

She grabbed the back of his neck, kissing him with a force and intensity he hadn’t expected. He leaned backward out of shock but she followed him, draping her other arm over his shoulder.

The collar chimed and she stopped just as quickly as she started, appraising the new intensity of the blue light. “How much time do you think you have now?” she asked, entirely unphased.

He had to get himself under control, and quickly. He rearranged himself until he sat cross-legged in front of her, taking the time to straighten his thoughts. “Three hours, or somewhere thereabouts.”

“Okay, great,” Stark said. “Now, about those prostitutes...”

“Stark,” he began, searching for a way to word his refusal as strongly as possible with the binding still around him. “I am...uncomfortable with that idea.”

“Well, I’m uncomfortable with the idea of...” Stark grimaced. “Of sexually assaulting you.”

“So, if you had your way, you’d just hand me off to someone else?”

“Why are you saying it like that?” Stark asked, rolling his eyes. “We find you a nice girl, maybe several if you’re into that, tell them what you like, and..” Stark trailed off, making a vaguely suggestive hand gesture. “You get to talk, they get paid, everyone wins.”

“I don’t want to.”

Stark sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “If I remember correctly, you freaked out not half an hour ago at the suggestion of having sex with any of us. I really don’t get what the problem is.”

Loki swallowed, then looked back down at his hands. “I wouldn’t know them.”

“What, never done anything with someone you didn’t know before? I wouldn’t have pinned you as that type of guy.”

He sorely wanted to ask what the hell that meant, but this conversation was too important to derail. “Stark,” he said, adding as much gravity to his words than he could while staring at the floor. “I trust you all marginally more than I would a stranger.”

“Trust? If you’re worried about privacy I know the names of a few girls who have a reputation for being very confidential-”

“I can’t say no!” Loki exploded. The collar dimmed significantly. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” he continued quietly. “You have to deal with Thor afterward.”

Stark opened his mouth, but Loki cut him off again. He couldn’t deal with another one of his rebuttals. “I know you don’t want to. I don’t want to. Please don’t make me beg for it.”

He had almost forgotten Rogers was standing beside him until he clapped a hand on his shoulder. “No prostitutes,” he said firmly. “End of discussion.”

“Thank you, r...master,” he amended. “May I stand?”

“Yes,” Rogers said with more force than necessary.

“May I retire to my room?” he asked as he climbed to his feet.

The other man’s jaw twitched. “Yes, you can.”

“Thank you, master,” he called back as he strode towards the door. “I believe I shall be there ‘til morning. Until then,” he finished, bowing out of the room. When the door had fully closed, he ran.


	3. Nighttime Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep doesn't come for Loki.

Loki curled up on his bed, trying to trick himself to believe that the pressure he felt was from the blankets wrapped tight around him instead of the bonds. Even if he couldn’t force himself to believe it, he thought that if he just held still for long enough he’d fall asleep eventually. He didn’t want to think anymore.

For a while, he had feared that the tension would keep building until it crushed him, but the spell tightened only to a certain point. It was unpleasant, but he wouldn’t die from it. That was a small comfort, at least.

The weight of the binding didn’t compare to the knowledge that was pressed upon him. He groaned, pushing his face into the pillows. That was exactly the kind of thought he didn’t want to be having.

There were things he knew he’d have to do. He didn’t want to name them. Better to live in ignorance for as long as he was able. An argument could be made for preparation, but he couldn’t bring himself to picture any of it. He had to trust in what little faith he had in Strange and his Midgardian magic to spare him from the worst of it all. Strange had seemed certain he could remove the collar when he inspected it, at least.

Taking a deep breath, Loki nudged his thoughts away again. He wouldn’t dwell. He’d just relax, letting himself feel the softness of the sheets and listening to his own gentle breathing. At this moment, he was fine.

He didn’t know how long he lay there, somewhere between dreaming and wakefulness, before he felt the collar push at him. He jolted, struggling to reorient himself. The collar wanted him to get up and go...somewhere. Loki had no choice but to comply.

The sun was just beginning to set, bathing the walls with red and orange light. Loki had no time to admire it. The pushing was getting more intense, so he hurried along to where he needed to go.

He found himself in the part of the building that housed the rooms of visiting Avengers. Technically he wasn’t supposed to be there, but he hadn’t been told that after the collar was on and so he escaped punishment for now.

A part of him knew why he was being brought to this place, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it. He reached for the handle of Steve Roger’s room and fervently hoped the man wasn’t around.

The room was blessedly empty. Loki let out a breath and kneeled on the floor when the collar commanded him to. Seeing the Captain was inevitable, he knew, but at least it wouldn’t happen immediately. He had time.

The binding pushed at him again and for a moment he was confused. Then it dawned on him what the collar wanted him to do.

He should be _available_ to his master.

Loki’s hands clenched where they rested on his thighs. That was his limit. He would not strip, no matter what pain the collar would cause him. He bit his cheek and waited for the torture to start.

The pressure to perform built to a crescendo until the collar gave up on waiting for him to comply.

If Loki could have made a sound, he would be screaming. It felt as if a fire was licking its way up his body, burning his skin to ash. He could think of nothing but the pain and the need for it to stop.

Finally, it did, leaving him a panting wreck on the floor. It had been so much worse this time. His muscles ached from the way his whole body had tensed. He had a few moments of respite before he was told again to kneel.

He pulled himself back up slowly, but it didn’t buy him much time. Again the collar told him to strip, again he resisted, and again pain tore through him.

Loki braced to be burnt, but that wasn't what the collar gave him. Instead, he was startled to hear the barking of dogs. He was caught off guard when he felt one lunge at him and knock him over. He knew it wasn't there. It couldn't be, and yet he felt the heavy weight of it on him and the howls of the rest of the pack as they approached. He could feel their fangs when they pierced him, biting and tearing at every soft bit of flesh they could reach. He tried to fight, but when he lashed out there was nothing to shove away.

Again he was left shaking and weak, only given a short period of relief before he was made to kneel again.  
The tension built, and Loki realized he couldn’t take it again. His trembling hands found the hem of his shirt and the pressure ebbed.

It didn’t leave, but he was allowed to move slowly just as long as he didn’t stop. He brought his shirt over his head and meticulously folded it, straightening out every wrinkle before setting it beside him. It both took time and distracted him from how vulnerable he felt.

He was allowed to stop kneeling in order to untie his shoes, which he set next to the shirt. His socks followed soon after, and then he was left staring at his pants.

The push to continue built again until he reached down and popped open the top button. He desperately wished now that Rogers would come and tell him he could stop, but he didn’t hear any sound for the hallway. He took a deep breath to steel himself and tried not to think about it.

The room felt cold to his now bare skin. He shivered and set to folding the pants just as carefully as he had done to his shirt.

He had hoped that perhaps this could be enough. That he could keep his boxers on, at least, and that enough of him was exposed to satisfy the binding. Yet it pushed at him.

Loki's nails dug into his own skin. He wanted to scream, to run, to punch something, but he couldn’t do any of it. He was trapped, completely and utterly. Either he would do what the collar wanted, or be tortured until he inevitably cracked.

Something inside him broke. His shoulders shook, and a sob tried to tear itself from his throat. It couldn't because he wasn't allowed to make noise. There was no relief from the strain put upon him and no outlet for his frustration. Angry tears rolled down his face.

The collar nudged him again, and he almost descended into a breathless panic. It took him a moment to realize the build this time was slower. He was being given leniency and a tiny window of time in which he could pull himself together, and he wouldn't waste it.

Loki forced himself to just breathe, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. His face was still wet with tears and he couldn't stop more falling, but he could force the rest of his body back under his control. He had that, at least.

It was this whole blasted situation. It was impossible. He wasn't a very open person at the best of times, but now he was forced to bare himself entirely. He knew Rogers wouldn't do anything untoward, he knew it, but it didn't stop the fear and the shame he felt. He didn't want the man to see his entire self. It was base, it was degrading, and though it seemed like the least of his worries at the moment he didn't exactly feel very fetching. It might have been worse if he did, but he couldn't help but notice how skinny and pale his limbs were in the harsh, unflattering light and how the hair on his chest looked terrible. It was always sparse but the few hairs he had were very dark. He always removed it if he was going to have an encounter, but he couldn't now. A little thing like that shouldn't rocket up his anxiety like it did.

His time was running out and so reluctantly he reached for the waistband of his boxers. There was nothing after this, so he had no reason to drag it out. They soon were flung onto the pile next to him. Finally, the pushing stopped, and he was free to kneel without the threat of pain.

Loki closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see himself. He must look a fright; tear streaks on his face, hair in knots from writhing on the floor, with his member just exposed. What a lovely sight for Rogers to walk in on. Loki hoped it'd happen soon so he could leave.

He took back that thought immediately when he heard footsteps coming down the hall. All the Avengers had different strides, so he could tell from the rhythm that was Rogers. Loki's heart pounded at the thought of actually being seen like this. He wanted to run, but if he just waited a moment the ordeal would be over. He could take comfort in that.

When he heard Rogers's hand alight on the door, he forced his eyes open and blinked the remaining dampness from them.

Rogers took a second to notice him, but when he did he stared. Loki cast his eyes down out of shame, but that meant he had to look at himself. He quickly looked to the side.

"Loki?" Rogers asked, his voice gentle and quiet. It made Loki want to cry again. He wasn't sure why, but regardless of the reason, he felt the tears spilling over.

"Hang on," his master said, and then he closed the door and was gone. Loki's shoulders shook as he tried to keep his breathing even.

Rogers was back soon. He held a blanket in front of him. "I assume the collar made you do this, but I can't ask you right now. Can you nod?"

Loki nodded.

"Am I allowed to give you this blanket?"

Loki waited to see what the collar's reaction would be. He felt nothing, so he gave the captain another nod.

"Alright." Rogers walked over and swiftly draped the blanket over his shoulders. "That'll give you some privacy. Um..." He ran a hand through his hair, staring at Loki's discarded clothes. "I'd ask about that, but..." and then a realization struck him. "Oh! Can you put them back on?"

Loki was about to nod, but then the collar squeezed at him. He shook his head and buried his face in the blanket.

"God, I hope you haven't been here long," Rogers said, but it was mostly to himself. "Okay. Can you leave?"

The collar told Loki that he couldn't. He lifted his head just enough so that he could shake it no, then covered his face again. He didn't want to think anymore.

"Okay. Give me a minute." Rogers left again.

At least the man didn't seem disgusted or horrified by finding Loki nude and kneeling in his bedroom. He hadn't expected it, given how Rogers had acted earlier today. The cynical part of him wondered if Rogers hadn't just been exaggerating his moral offense at the idea of being a slave's master, but he had learned to spot his own paranoid catastrophizing. It was probably that he had gotten more used to the idea and worked earnestly in the past few hours to figure out basic plans on how to handle situations like this one.

Loki was glad it had been Rogers. He was so appallingly sincere that it was hard to twist his actions and words into something more sinister. It was aggravating most of the time, but now he was at his mercy it was a comfort. He could see why the people of Earth liked him so much.

Rogers came trudging back down the hall and set something heavy down next to him before propping open his door. He managed to fit Loki's bed through the doorway by carrying it over his head.

"It's a tight fit, but..." Rogers set the bed down on the other side of the room with a grunt. "I think it'll work. I'd ask your opinion, but you can't talk right now. Can you sleep here, in this bed?"

Loki nodded as a warm feeling spread throughout his chest. He might actually like Rogers now.

"Oh. You can move. You can get into bed, as in your bed, and sleep."

He was allowed to stand now, and he shot to his feet. the blanket wrapped around him stopped somewhere around his knees, but given what had just transpired he wasn't going to fret about it. He strode across the room and collapsed into his own bed. It was a comfort he didn't know he would miss.

"Okay. I'm gonna turn in, it looks like you will too, so I'm shutting the lights off." He heard Rogers shuffling around, but didn't bother looking up. "See you in the morning," the Captain said, and then the room was enveloped in the peaceful dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be out of town for a week with no internet. Consider this a parting gift ;)


	4. The Next Morning

Loki curled deeper into his bed, hoping to steal a few more minutes rest before he rose. He was warm and comfortable and there was the tiny niggling thought in the back of his mind that if he woke up fully he'd have to face something unpleasant. He didn't want to remember what it was yet. If he could have afforded to sleep, he could afford a moment's lie in.

"Hey."

Just like that, it all rushed back to him. The collar, Rogers, all of it. He scrambled to sit up and orient himself only to remember once the blanket had fallen off his chest that he was nude. He snatched it back over himself even though he knew it was largely pointless. Rogers had seen everything last night. There was no modesty to preserve.

"Morning," Rogers said, hovering a few paces away from Loki's bed. He was already dressed. It looked like he might have been awake for a while. "I hope you slept well, but..." he trailed off, pointing in the general direction of his own neck. "Breakfast's soon."

Loki's fingers tightened in the blankets. He knew what came next if he wanted to eat.

"We don't have to do anything yet," Rogers said, and Loki took it as permission to draw the covers back over his head.

"I wish I could ask you...lots of things, really." he continued to fill the silence. "Strange spent the whole night in the lab, putting down what he could remember. He wants to take another look later if that's alright. Right now he's gone home to sleep, but he should be back sometime in the afternoon." He paused, just for a second. "God, I wish you could reply."

Loki heard from the other side of the room the soft sounds of fabric slipping across fabric, and then Rogers strode back towards him. "Here. Can you put these on now?"

Peering up, Loki saw that Rogers was offering him the clothes he had left on the floor. He pushed himself up again, trying to not be obvious about clutching the blanket to his chest, and nodded. Rogers dropped them onto his pillow.

"Alright. I'm going to get another coffee. I'll knock before I come back in." He waited a second for a reply that wouldn't come, then turned and strode out the door.

The moment it shut behind him, Loki was pulling his clothing on. He didn't want to be bare a second longer than he had to. If it had been up to him he would have liked to change into a fresh set. At least given his experiences yesterday he should be able to return to his own room and change again soon.

Loki would probably have to end up having to bring the entire contents of his closet into this room until he got the blasted collar off. He'd have to talk to Rogers about it later. It would be better than scurrying through the hallways every morning to get something clean.

He was trying to figure out where he would put it all when he heard a knock on the door. The collar wanted him to slide to the floor and bow, and there was no sense fighting it.

"I remembered that you liked coffee too," Rogers said as he pushed the door open with his broad back. "So..." he trailed off when he caught sight of his slave on the floor. Loki watched as his master tensed, and the collar was on the brink of setting another punishment upon him.

The man crossed the room to put the mugs down on his nightstand. Loki could hear him pull in deep, steadying breaths. Finally, he managed to get out, "You can stand."

Loki rose to his feet and watched as Rogers leaned on his nightstand with his back to him.

"I'm sorry. I just...I can't get mad at the collar without it hurting you. I needed a moment."

Loki wanted to tell Rogers he understood, and that he had indeed managed to save him from yet more pain. He'd have to remember to mention it later.

"Can I..." Rogers began, then cut himself off. He turned to face Loki. He was steeling himself, his eyes turning hard from his determination. "Can I kiss you?"

It was a perverse kind of comfort that the other man hated this as well. Loki nodded, and Rogers came towards him. Loki couldn't stop himself taking a half step back. The other man halted and Loki cursed himself. Any resistance was only going to draw this out for both of them.

Rogers started talking again. "Right. I don't know how you'd prefer this to go. Would you like to be sitting down? Is there anything I can do to make this less...?" His arms spread out to the sides as he searched for a word, but he let them drop when he couldn't find one.

Loki pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, and then strode over to his own bed. Sitting had been a good suggestion on Rogers's part, at least. He waved for Rogers to settle down next to him and folded his hands in his lap.

The bed dipped under the other man's weight. Loki did his best to not move away. Kissing wasn't terrible, and this time there wasn't an audience. He had to perform, but he would be fine. Afterward, he could drink that delicious-smelling coffee and go eat breakfast as if it was a normal day.

Rogers's fingers brushed over his own. "Is this okay?"

Loki nodded, turning his hand palm up so the other man could hold it properly. It was a comforting gesture, even if it was an intimate one. Rogers stroked his thumb over Loki’s knuckles and Loki felt some of his own tension lessen.

"I'm not like Nat. I can't just...do you want me to get her? It'd be quicker."

Before Rogers had finished speaking, Loki was shaking his head. If he was honest, he preferred this man's approach.

"Okay, yeah. I'll just..." Rogers finished his sentence by reaching out to cup Loki's jaw. Loki let the other man turn his head so they were facing each other. This was a ridiculous sham of romance, and yet Loki couldn't bring himself to put an end to it. For now, the slow pace was something he knew he needed.

He swallowed when Rogers leaned towards him. He could feel his pulse racing. It occurred to Loki that the collar would reward him to a greater extent if he was an active participant and as he let his eyes slip shut that thought was what compelled him to close the distance between them.

It felt like a normal kiss, not one that had been forced upon him. It was firm and warm and as Rogers's fingers began to weave into his hair Loki found himself relaxing. He pressed back into it, his hand flexing around Rogers's. He could feel the binding lifting around him but that was an unpleasant reminder of why this was happening. He focused instead on the feeling of the other man's soft lips on his own.

The kiss ended naturally, with them both pulling apart. Loki opened his eyes slowly and took in his master's face. Rogers was looking at him, and his eyes were softer than Loki had expected. The other man's hand was still at the base of his neck, stroking softly.

"How much time did that give you?"

Loki remembered his voice. "Perhaps an hour."

"Oh." Rogers moved in for another kiss, and Loki let him. "And now?"

"Not very much longer," he muttered, tugging gently at his hand until Rogers let him go. "It wasn't....it didn't work as well because I wasn't humiliated." His eyes found Rogers's for a moment, but then he let them drop. "I'll have enough time for breakfast, at least."

Rogers dropped his head into his hands. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then shook himself. "Alright. Coffee?"

He took it upon himself to bring the hot drink over to the man who was supposed to be his slave. Loki took the mug he was offered with a small smile at the irony.

"So, uh, I have some questions before that thing makes it so you can't talk again. Do you think you have enough time to answer that too? Or can we talk a bit and I top you up before we go?"

"Option two."

"Okay." Rogers leaned against the foot of his own bed, thinking. "So, and sorry to bring this up, but I noticed you didn't hate me kissing you as much as you hated when Nat did it."

"Right. That." He sighed. "It's not that hard to explain. I felt as if I was on display. I felt as if I was..." He trailed off, rubbing at his temple. "It felt as if I was being shown my new role as an object to be used."

"You aren't," Rogers said insistently. "You probably don't need me to tell you that, but you aren't. I don't care what the collar says. You do not belong to me."

"Thank you, "master"." Loki flashed him a grim smile.

Rogers pressed his lips together. His fingers drummed against the side of his mug. He took a swig of the hot drink, and then asked, "Can you tell me anything that you like?"

The question made Loki wary. "What do you mean?"

"Strange asked you if you didn't like anything yesterday. You said there was too much to name, but none of us asked if there was anything you did like. Something we could do that you didn't hate."

"I'm not going to answer that," Loki said, ducking his head down.

"Look, I know it's...I know it's embarrassing, but I could tell you some things about myself as a trade?"

"That's not why." Loki made his face unreadable, staring into the depths of his mug. He had about two-thirds of the drink left.

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't you?"

"It will make this whole situation that much harder," he answered. Rogers was still waiting for him to continue, and it made him shift uncomfortably. "Catering to my desires is not going to earn me much time. I'm supposed to fulfill the desires of others. That's what the collar wants as a trade." He looked down and muttered, almost to himself, "Besides which, I don't want to like any of this."

Rogers was quiet for a moment. "I think I get it," he said finally. "I don't like it, but I get it."

They finished the rest of their coffee in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters tend to be shorter than my other fics. It feels like the scenes end naturally, but maybe I should take some time to make them longer? I already know that a certain chapter is going to last forever and that might come out of the blue.
> 
> Anywho, I thought I'd mention that if you comment mostly asking me to update I'll save replying to those until I actually do update. I mean, I don't really know what to say to them and I think it'd be nice to get an "I've updated now", right?


	5. A Normal Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets the normal breakfast he asked for, and then Steve and Tony have an uncomfortable conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter yet quicker chapter, but the next one is going to be long af. It'll take a while to write.

__ After a few more slow, gentle kisses, Loki and Rogers made their way towards the kitchen. The few people there saw them arrive together, but no one commented.

"Brother," Thor said cautiously and waited for Loki to glance at him. "How do you fare?"

"I cannot begin to answer that question, your majesty," Loki sighed. "I can only hope Strange will soon free me from this burden."

"He has been working all night to do so." It looked as if Thor had been up for the same amount of time. He had doubtless been hovering, and while Loki was honored he hoped Thor hadn't been a distraction.

"I have been told." Loki tilted his head towards Rogers to indicate who it was that had told him. He wouldn't call the man 'master' if he could avoid it. "I appreciate his effort."

"As do I." Thor looked as if he didn't know what to do with his hands.

Loki almost told his brother to eat with him until the pressure of the collar reminded him it wouldn't be acceptable. He quickly rephrased it into a request. "If it pleases your majesty, I would appreciate if you'd sit with us."

Thor's expression was thunderous, but he nodded. He must have been told showing anger might set the collar off.

Stark, who had been standing by the stove, decided to speak up. "I'm making bacon, eggs, and hash browns. How about I make some for the rest of you? You can just sit down, I've got this."

"Will you be quick, Tony?" Steve asked him. He shot a sheepish glance at Loki. "He's only got an hour and a half at best."

"I can get it done by then, yeah. Sit tight."

Loki lowered himself into a seat, and the others followed.

"While I do not object to sitting, Stark," Loki began, and the man paled. "I thought you might find it useful to know that your turn of phrase still counted as an order."

"I'll be more careful," Stark said, and he sounded apologetic. "You don't have to sit. Did that undo it?"

"Yes, thank you," Loki answered, running a hand over his face. He wanted to make use of the time he had because now it was a limited resource, but he couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Did you sleep well, brother?” Thor asked him. “When I went to wake you, you and your bed were gone from your room. Steve explained why that was, but...” Thor looked at him with such earnest concern. “Were you able to sleep?”

“I slept as if it was a normal night, your majesty.”

“That is good to hear!” Thor grinned at him, but it quickly faded. Loki wanted desperately to bring it back.

“I dreamt of Vanaheim,” he lied. “Of the two of us venturing through the woods, hunting our own game and setting camp like we used to when we were young.”

It worked. Thor beamed, clapping him on the shoulder. “Those are treasured memories for me, as well. I’m glad you saw something so pleasant.”

“Whoever said I treasured them?” Loki asked, but he grinned back.

They kept on reminiscing about their childhood until Stark walked over with their breakfast. He served Loki and Thor first, then went back to grab the other plates he’d dished up.

“I don’t believe I’ve tasted your cooking before, Stark,” Loki told him when he walked over with the rest of the food. “You’re better than I expected.”  
Stark shrugged. “It’s hard to mess up eggs.”

“And now you’re being humble,” Loki mused. “How very unlike you.”

“I can’t brag about making eggs,” he said as he slid into the seat next to Rogers. “Steve, back me up here, it’s impossible to brag about making eggs. Bragging would imply that it’s one of the most impressive things you could do, which would be incredibly sad.”

Steve clapped him on the shoulder, his expression grave. “That would be very sad.”

Loki snickered, hiding a smile with his hand. He couldn’t help but feel happier than usual. This was exactly what he had wanted: a normal breakfast.

Like all good things, it had to come to an end. Their bellies were full, and the light on the collar was dimming. Loki scraped his fork one last time over the plate, looking for any scrap he had missed, but when he gathered nothing he was forced to admit to himself that his respite was over.

“How much time do you have left?” Stark asked, looking at the fading glow.

“Twelve minutes?” Loki ventured.

“Okay. Thor, sorry to bring this up, but I need to talk to your brother and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear any of that.”

Thor put his hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Brother...”

“Your majesty, I will be fine,” Loki assured him. “Whatever it is, I don’t want you to hear it either.”

Loki stood up so Thor could pull him into a brief hug.

“Your majesty, if I may...” Loki began as he pulled away from his brother. “You have told me you did not sleep all night. Far be it from me to advise a king, but...” He bit his cheek, trying to figure out how to phrase it so Thor didn’t know it was a suggestion or a request, but a demand. It didn’t help that the collar pushed at him for even thinking that.

“I slept,” he tried. “This situation is a weight upon me, and yet I slept. It made my weight easier to bear. You have a weight, as well.” It was nowhere near as forceful as he’d like, but it would have to do.

“I catch your meaning,” Thor said. “I will do my best to rest, brother, despite my worry.”

“I love you,” Loki said, and was relieved that that, at least, he could say plainly.

Thor dragged him into a crushing bear hug. “I love you, as well.”

Loki patted him on the back, and reluctantly his brother let him go. They both pretended not to notice the dampness of the other’s eyes.

“I’m off,” Thor said, trying to feign his usual boisterous manner. “I will see you later, brother.”

“You will.”

Thor gave him one last brief smile, and then he was gone. Loki stared at the door, not wanting to turn to face the other men.

“So, Steve,” Stark began. “An hour and a half?”

“Don't start.”

“No, seriously. Romanoff got three from one kiss. What did you do, give him a sensual hug?”

Loki buried his face in his hands.

“I'm asking because I wanna know if that’d work,” Stark quickly added.

“I kissed him, Tony,” Steve snapped. “More than once.”

“Oh Christ,” Stark breathed. “Is that leeway running out?”

“I thought you wanted to talk to  _ me _ ,” Loki cut in, turning to face them. “No, it is not. It's just that this time wasn't in public.”

“Jesus.” Stark pursed his lips, considering. “Is that because of the whole humiliation punishment thing?”

“It is exactly that. What was it you wanted to talk about?”

“I wanted to talk about one and a half hours.”

“Tony...”

“Steve.” Stark stared him down, but it was him, that finally broke. “Look, you're a good person.”

“Thanks?”

“No, look...” Tony sighed. “I've been thinking, and if we’re really going to go through with this...I can do better than an hour and a half.”

Loki brought a fist up to his mouth, biting down on the knuckle. Steve spared him a glance, and turned back to Stark, tense and bordering on anger.

“What are you saying?”

“Let’s be real here, Steve,” Stark sighed. “I’m more experienced than you.”

“Tony, what the hell? We’re not going to...” He shifted uncomfortably. “We’re not going to do that.”

“You see, that’s exactly the problem,” Stark said, snapping his finger and pointing. “There’s stuff between kissing and having sex. Stuff you clearly don’t know about, otherwise you wouldn’t automatically assume I meant the thing we already agreed not to do.”

Loki spoke up, his voice clear and calm despite his paleness. “If you mean for me to service your...” He made a vague waving motion in the direction of Stark’s pants, feeling lightheaded.

“No, no, not that,” he said, holding up his hands.

Loki was horrified that he might have just let on how inexperienced he was compared to the man in front of him. True, he had had sex before, but it was when he was just becoming a man and most of it had been quick and messy. He had lost interest when his teenage desperation had abated, in part because he found he didn’t like how vulnerable it made him feel. Now he was faced with this mess, and a human a fraction of his age knew more about sexual acts than he did. It was an embarrassment.

“Okay, look, it’s clear you don’t like public stuff,” Stark said, glancing back at Rogers. “Would you be alright with talking about this in a more private setting?”

“Yes,” Loki said, rubbing at his eyes. “Alright. Your bedroom, I presume.”

“If you’re okay with that?”

“Yes.” Loki took a deep breath then met eyes with Rogers. “If you sincerely intend to talk, though, I’ll need a little more time.”

The other man understood. Loki didn’t back away this time when he was approached, but he still shrank a little. At least Stark was politely looking at the wall.

Rogers only gave him a quick peck this time. It was enough.

“I will see you later,” Loki began, and almost added ‘Rogers’ at the end. The collar would have made him say ‘master’. “I will see you later,” he repeated, this time with more finality.

Steve swallowed and nodded, but before the man could open his mouth and before Stark did anything else, Loki strode out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the entire rest of the fic. You're welcome :D
> 
> Please also note that some tags have been added. You've been warned. (debatably homophobic language too, as well as comparing submissives/bottoms to women)
> 
> Ps it's over NINE THOUSAAAAAND words and yes I had to make that joke.

Loki made it to Stark’s room before the other man did. It felt strange to enter without him, especially since he had never been inside before, so he leaned next to the door and waited for him to catch up. Stark was still a ways behind. His legs were shorter, after all.

“So good of you to join me,” Loki murmured when the man finally approached him.

“Shut up,” he answered, but the words were laced with good humor. He opened the door with a little mock bow. “Come in.”

Loki entered the room but pointed insistently at the collar as he did.

“Oh shit, sorry,” Tony said, playing the conversation back in his head. “You can talk.”

Loki couldn’t say anything overtly critical, so he refrained from speaking at all. He settled for rolling his eyes at the other man before deciding to look around the room. In front of him, he saw that Stark had a large bed draped in muted dark blue sheets. There was no impressive view to be had from this building and besides, people were frequently caught nearby with drones while they were trying to spy, so only the top of the wall was lined with small windows to let the sunlight in. In the middle of the ceiling, there was a pyramid-shaped skylight constructed out of wavy glass that scattered the light as it went through. Two doors to their left led to what Loki assumed were the closet and the bathroom. There wasn’t much else besides a few chairs and the wide expanse of floor. It seemed that Stark’s clutter hadn’t followed him in here.

“You have a wife,” Loki said, trying his best not to stare at the bed they most likely consummated their marriage on. Now he was faced with it, the idea that Stark might touch him in here made him feel immeasurably wrong. He should have thought of this, of Pepper, before this moment.

“Yeah. She knows about this. I asked her if she’d be okay with it.” Tony scratched the back of his head, lowering himself into one of the chairs and gesturing for Loki to do the same. “I think maybe this is too much information, but Pepper and I have an open relationship.”

Loki had no idea what that meant. He tried to keep his face blank, but Stark seemed to notice anyway.

“Basically, it means that we’ve both given the other permission to sleep with other people. We decided this a couple years ago.” He grinned sheepishly at Loki’s growing shock. “Surprisingly I’m not the one who takes advantage of it the most. Basically, Pepper was attracted to this girl and felt guilty about it, and I told her to just go for it. I don’t get jealous. Turned out that it really worked for us. She’s still seeing the other woman; we even invite her over for dinner sometimes.”

Loki tried not to gape at him. He had heard of relationships like this, where two married people who had gotten bored of one another would sleep around, but no one openly talked about it. He couldn’t believe Stark would share this information so casually. Then again, he was about to let Stark do  _ something _ to him, so perhaps it was the sort of mutually insured embarrassment that Rogers had suggested earlier.

“Okay, so, that isn’t exactly what I wanted to talk about,” Stark continued. “I wanted to mention some possibilities and ask you about them.”

“I would prefer it if you didn’t do that.”

“What?”

“I’ve already had this conversation with...with my master,” Loki said. “This isn’t about my enjoyment. In fact, it would be better if I hated it. Just...” Loki swallowed and looked down. “Perhaps do something you might enjoy.”

“I wouldn’t suggest anything I didn’t like. I have that much control.” Stark looked guilty for saying it, but it was the truth. Loki didn’t begrudge him that. “I was just hoping to find something you’d hate less as well.”

Loki pressed his lips together, thinking of how to say what he felt. “I’d rather not know what you might do to me ahead of time,” he finally admitted. “I don’t want to hear the possibilities I’d reject. I know I’d dwell on them.”

“Are you sure?” Stark asked. He looked like he doubted it. “I don’t know what your limits are. I don’t want to force you to have this conversation, but I really do not want to go too far.”

“Is there anything I can do that involves keeping my clothes on?” Loki sighed.

“Um. Several, actually.”

Loki did his best to mask his surprise. “Perhaps you should choose one of those, then.”

“Are you sure?” Stark repeated. “We don’t really have to do anything. We could wait, we could, I dunno...” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Honestly? I’d prefer to speak, and I’d prefer to not need to kiss someone at hourly intervals. If there’s something I can do where I keep my clothes on...” he shrugged. “I don’t see what the problem is.”

“Are you sure I can’t tell you what it is? What I’m going to do right now?”

Loki shook his head. All Stark would be able to give him was the illusion of choice. If he said yes to hearing it, all that would do would be to confront him with one possibility out of many. There was the chance he could reject it but if he didn’t, if he knew what it was and still allowed Stark to go ahead, he’d more than likely feel the shame of letting whatever it was be done to him. “I would like to say, in the strongest possible terms, that I do not want you to tell me. I’d rather not know.”

“Okay,” Stark said, still looking concerned. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

Stark covered his face with his hands for a few seconds, then took a deep breath and rose to his feet. “Alright. Onto the bed.”

Loki allowed the binding to push him forward. It was easier than making himself move. He kicked off his shoes and climbed atop the mattress. Once there, he found he didn’t exactly know how to position himself, so he pulled his legs towards his body and waited for Stark to join him.

“Okay. I realize that the last thing I said was probably a command so I take it back. Um...would you please lie on your stomach?”

Loki rolled onto his front, but not because the collar made him. “That worked,” he told Stark and then folded his arms in front of his face to hide. He tried to ignore how fast his heart was beating. How bad could it possibly be while he was able to keep his clothes on?

“Okay, so...” Loki felt Stark’s hand settle on his leg, right below his bottom. It was an intimate place to be touched, and he hadn’t anticipated how nervous that would make him feel. His eyes shut and he took a deep breath.

“Raise your ass for me?” Stark asked. He had phrased it as a request, but the collar decided to take it as a command.

Loki allowed himself to be moved, lifting his hips and pulling his legs beneath him, but his heart was pounding. He could feel himself starting to sweat, and though he fought to control it he was trembling. Here he was, face down, presenting his arse to another man, and the shame of it made his chest feel tight.

“Loki? Are you still okay?”

Loki opened his mouth. He tried to respond, but all he could do was quake in fear.

“You can stop,” Stark rushed out. “You can move, you can leave, you can-”

Loki allowed himself to drop back onto the bed, and he met eyes with Stark for a brief second until he scrambled to draw the covers over himself. It was the nearest place to hide.

Stark backed off, leaving the bed to sit in the closest chair. “Loki?” he asked after a little time had passed.

“What were you going to do?” Loki’s voice came out sounding strange. His throat still felt as if it wanted to close on him.

“I...” Stark began. “I was going to rub myself against you until I got off.”

Loki made a little choked sound, and then he was sobbing and he couldn’t stop. It felt like he could barely get a breath, but he still pressed the blanket into his face to muffle the noise. Stark had admitted it so  _ bluntly _ . The other man wanted to bend him over and rut against him in some clothed impression of buggery. It suddenly struck him that perhaps Stark  _ liked _ humiliating him. Perhaps he wanted to, and that thought terrified him more than anything else.

“I’m sorry,” Stark said, and it sounded like his throat was closing as well.

It helped. Loki fought to get his breathing under control. Tears still leaked from his eyes, but they weren’t coming as fast now. He gave himself a few minutes, trying to force himself to breathe normally. He kept hearing the words and his breath started to quicken, but he wouldn’t let himself keep panicking. If he broke down from this, he wasn’t going to survive the collar.

Eventually, Loki managed to peek out under the blankets. He saw that the other man looked devastated, as if he was just as horrified as Loki was, and Loki realized he could relax a little. Imagining Stark as a malicious monster had been a paranoid delusion on his part.

“I’m sorry,” Stark repeated.

Loki forced himself to sit up again, wiping at his eyes.

“We can’t do that again,” Stark said. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I can’t do this again. I can’t not give you warning.”

“Yeah.” Loki rubbed at his face in an attempt to remove the last remnants of tears. ‘Yes. You’re right.”

“Do you want to leave?”

“No,” he sighed. “I...if I have to listen to possibilities, I might as well do it now.”

“Are you sure?”

Loki took a deep breath, letting it out slowly from his nose. “Yes.” Perhaps it was childish, but he sunk back to the bed again, half hiding himself with the blanket. It made him feel so much safer.

“Okay, so...it’s obvious you don’t want to do that again.” He ran his hand through his hair. “You know what, instead of talking specifics, let’s figure out parameters, okay? You want to keep your clothes on, anything else?”

Loki thought back to his experience with Rogers. He grimaced, but then dragged the blanket over his face so he wouldn’t have to see Stark. “I...I need you to go slowly,” he murmured. “I need time to adjust.”

“Okay. Um. What parts of your body do you not want me to touch?”

Just thinking about answering made Loki squirm, but he knew now he couldn’t just assume Stark would figure it out himself. “My buttocks. My genitals,” he managed to force himself to say.

“I’m sorry,” Stark said again. “I should have known-”

“It’s fine, Stark,” he sighed. “Clearly we have different ideas of what is acceptable.”

“You wanted to keep your clothes on, so I thought-”

“If you don’t stop apologizing, I actually will get cross with you.”

“Oh, Christ.” Stark sounded relieved. “It’s good to hear you yelling at me. You sound like yourself.”

“I shall endeavor to keep at it, then.”

“Okay, so...” Stark seemed to be racking his brain for ideas. “You probably don’t want to touch me, either.”

“I’d rather not, no.”

“Are you okay with me touching myself?”

Loki’s breath hitched. “Absolutely not.”

“Right, got it.”

He could hear Stark fidgeting in his seat for a while before he spoke again. “I mean, this doesn’t really have to do with any of this, but I’m actually physically incapable of hurting you, right? I don’t have to worry about that?”

“Yes, Stark,” Loki said, managing to look at him again. “You’re still incredibly weak.”

“Ha. Thanks.” The man flashed him a brief smile but then went back to the drawn, worried look he had been wearing before. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, I know this is probably a no beforehand, but going off the humiliation requirement and the whole ‘keeping your clothes on’ thing...” he met eyes with him briefly and winced. “Would you be willing to massage or lick my feet?”

Loki reared back in shock, his face twisting. He wanted so badly to tell Stark to go fuck himself. It would almost be worth the resulting pain.

“Okay, that’s a no,” Stark said, holding his hands in front of him. “I’m sorry for suggesting it.”

“When I get this collar off-”

“I’ll get on my knees and beg you to forgive me,” Stark finished for him. “Properly. I’ll lick your boots if you want me to.”

Loki stared at him for a few moments more, but then all the tension left him. “Very well. I’ll hold you to that.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Stark took a deep breath. “Okay, so, this would involve you taking your shirt off, so I can see why you’d reject it, but...would you let me play with your nipples?”

Loki froze, his eyes flicking downwards to look at his own chest. It was clear to him, again, why he needed Stark. He would have never thought of something like that himself. He wondered if Stark would pretend if he was a woman. That would be  _ humiliating _ , but not overwhelmingly so. He could cope.

“I...” he began, then swallowed. “That would be...acceptable.”

“Okay. Um...” Stark scratched a hand through his hair. “Do you wanna do it now, or?”

“Now is fine.”

Loki expected Stark to approach him, but instead, he walked towards one of the other doors. “I have a bit of an idea,” he said by way of explanation. “I keep messing up, telling you to do things by accident. We need a failsafe.”

“What do you propose?”

Stark stepped into his closet and came back out a few seconds later with a pair of handcuffs dangling from his finger. They had red fur padding on both of the loops. “How do you feel about these?”

“What do you mean, how do I feel?”

“You’re not, say, intimidated by them?”

“Not particularly, no,” he said flatly. “Do you intend to put those on me? I’ve been restrained with much worse. Those flimsy things look like they would break under the slightest pressure.”

“That’s kind of the point,” Stark said, tossing them at him. “Do you think the collar would allow you to break them?”

Loki grabbed the cuffs by both loops, pulling gently. The collar pushed him in warning.

“They’re not mine,” he sighed. “I can’t.”

“Okay. They’re yours now. I’d appreciate if you didn’t break them yet, but can you break them?”

“I could. Where is this going?”

Stark walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. “I might slip up, I might tell you to do something, but I’ll never tell you not to break that chain. If I ever go too far, I want you to break it so I know to stop.”

Loki ran a finger over the soft fur, thinking. “I suppose that’s vaguely clever on your part, Stark. It should work.”

“Great.” Stark grinned at him. “Okay. Do you want to take off your shirt now?”

Loki sucked in his cheeks and eventually let his breath out in a large gust. “I suppose.” He pulled his shirt over his head, and it was easier this time. Compared to last night, just being shirtless was almost a relief.

Stark was looking at him, and he fought the urge to cover himself back up. “Where should I put this?” he asked, trying not to be obvious about why he was holding the shirt in front of himself.

“You can just toss it anywhere. We’ll pick it up later.”

Loki grimaced but dropped the shirt on the floor.

“How are you doing?” Stark asked, his voice turning more gentle.

“As well as can be expected,” Loki sighed, passing the cuffs to him and holding out his wrists.

“Actually...and you can disagree, but...” Stark crawled towards the head of the bed and knocked a pillow out of the way, reaching down to uncover a metal loop from between the headboard and the mattress. “I’d like to use this. If you don’t mind.”

“Just to be clear, that’s only an anchor to keep me in place, correct?” Loki wondered if it was for Pepper or one of Pepper’s lovers, then decided he didn’t actually want to know.

“Yeah. That’s what it’s for.”

Loki shifted, looking away from it and back down to his hands. “I suppose that’s acceptable.”

“Okay. Just lie down whenever you’re ready.”

It seemed that Stark had taken his need for time to adjust seriously. Loki could probably lay himself down now, but just being given some allowance of time made him feel more grounded. This was reality, and it could sink in. Stark waited patiently for him.

Eventually, he allowed himself to fall back onto the bed, flipping onto his back and raising his hands above his head.

“Do you mind if I cuff you now?” Stark asked.

“Go ahead.”

He kept his eyes closed as Stark took care of it. Stark touched him gently, moving Loki’s hands into place so he would have an easier time restraining him. Loki thought of how the restraints would pull apart like tissue paper if he put any real force on the chain.

The cuffs clicked into place, and Loki cracked his eyes open. Stark was kneeling to the left of him, his hands hovering as if he didn’t quite know what to do with them. Loki licked his lips nervously and waited for the man to move.

“Can I touch you now?” Stark asked, and Loki nodded mutely. He watched as the man reached for him, gently trailing his fingers down Loki’s side. Loki tried not to shiver. It didn’t tickle, exactly, but he didn’t really enjoy it either.

“You’re more muscular than I thought you’d be,” Stark said conversationally, shooting him an anxious grin. His finger traced along the defined line of one of his muscles. “I mean, you aren’t ripped or anything, but...”

“Yes, thank you,” Loki said testily. “Is there anything else unsatisfying you find about my physique?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s unsatisfying,” Stark told him, and now his smile was genuine. “It suits you. You look good.”

Loki’s eyes widened a fraction. He stopped breathing, glancing down to where Stark was tracing patterns in his side, his fingers slowly and lazily wandering their way up and down Loki’s body. Stark hesitated, his hand stilling near his waist. Loki couldn’t tear is eyes away from it.

“What’s up?”

“You’re not...” Loki began. He swallowed. There was no way to ask this without it being an insult, and yet he had to ask. “You aren’t attracted to men, are you?”

He expected Stark to be angry, but the man just looked confused for a moment. “Yeah? I thought you knew.”

Instantly, Loki felt much more exposed. He drew his legs up, and for his part, Stark removed his hand. He couldn’t believe Stark had answered so easily, but there was only one explanation for it. “You haven’t unmanned someone, have you?” Loki asked weakly.

Stark’s eyebrows knit together. “Unmanned?”

“I...” Loki trailed off, stunned that he hadn’t understood. “Taken them.  _ Had _ them.”

“You mean sex?” Stark asked. “Have I had sex with men?”

“No, I mean...” Loki shifted uncomfortably. He thought about breaking his bonds just to escape this conversation, but he wasn’t quite that desperate yet. “I mean  _ entered _ them.  _ Unmanned _ them.”

“I’m not going to do that to you,” Stark quickly assured him.

Loki could stop there. He knew he could, but he still felt an uncomfortable twist in his stomach that wouldn’t go away until he heard the answer.

“That wasn’t the question, Stark.”

He didn’t know what he’d do when he heard the answer. He already knew what it would be, but he didn’t know if he’d make Stark stop. He might flee from the room and down the hall with the broken manacles still on his wrists. Then again, he might let Stark keep going, knowing all the while what the other man might want to do to him.

“I wouldn’t call it unmanning,” Stark said slowly. “But yeah.” And then, to Loki’s utter shock, he added, “I’ve taken it, too.”

Loki must have misunderstood. “What?” he asked, his voice sounding small. He twisted a bit, propping himself up on an elbow to stare.

“I’ve taken dick. I’ve been penetrated. More times than I could count,” Stark told him, sliding a little ways away to give him some space. Then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he added, “I like it.”

Loki was frozen. He had no idea how to react to that. He kept running Stark’s words through his head, trying to understand.  _ I like it. _ He couldn’t process that; he had no frame of reference to do so. It was so outside any social conventions he knew or expected that it felt like his mind had run up against a brick wall.

“Loki?” Stark asked. “Hey. Do you wanna stop?”

Words wouldn’t come to him. He could only stare.

Stark looked pained. “Hey, uh. Could you define unmanning for me? Just so I can sort of understand what you’re thinking, here.”

That was something Loki could do. “It is a humiliation,” he said quietly. “One akin to a fatal blow. When someone loses in battle, or is of a lower station, or is a thrall,” he stumbled a little bit, looking the other way. “They can be...taken. Sometimes a man submits willingly, and that is an even greater disgrace. It destroys them. As people and as men, they are forever destroyed.”

“Oh, Christ,” Stark sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Okay. There’s a lot to unpack there. First of all, am I a man?”

“I...” Loki didn’t know how to answer that question. Five minutes ago he would have said  _ yes, of course _ , but now Stark had just admitted that he had willingly submitted to being used. That should have meant he wasn’t.

“Okay, I’ll answer that for you,” Stark said when he took too long. “Yes, I am. I’m a man. I will always be a man, and no one can tell me I’m not. No one can take that from me. I don’t care what anyone else has to say.”

“But...” Loki protested weakly. “You...”

“Yeah, I’ve been fucked,” he said bluntly, and Loki collapsed back onto the bed so he could cover his face with his forearms. “I’ve been fucked, I liked it, and it doesn’t make me any less of a man.”

It went against everything he had ever been taught, but Loki had to admit that he still believed him. He couldn’t think of Stark as anything else.

“You’re an exception,” Loki breathed, and the world was starting to make sense again.

“No, I’m not,” Stark said. “I’m not. The men that I had sex with? They’re all still men too. ‘Unmanning’ isn’t a thing.”

“I-”

“Also!” Stark began. “Sorry for cutting you off, but also, three of those examples were rape. If someone is forced into sex against their will, it’s rape, and it’s absolutely not their fault. It doesn’t reflect on them, it reflects on the bastard who did it. Also, that collar? It does not reflect on you.”

Loki swallowed, running the words through his mind again. “But, being taken...is an insult.”

“No,” Stark said firmly. “It isn’t. Not inherently. Even if it was, it’s the fault of the person who did it.”

Loki closed his eyes, pressing his arms into his face to hide it more thoroughly.

“Do you want to leave?” Stark asked, his voice growing softer.

“I can’t comprehend your viewpoint yet,” Loki said.

He felt Stark running his fingers over the cuffs. “Wait,” he protested. “I...I don’t...I’m still fine. Just...confused.”

Stark stopped, but he was still frowning. “Look, I keep traumatizing you...”

“I am not _ traumatized _ ,”  Loki said, irritation flowing back into him. He moved his arms a little to glare at Stark properly “I haven’t been traumatized.”

“Uh, buddy...” Stark said. “I made you cry not half an hour ago.”

“And now you know why!” Loki told him and then sighed. He allowed himself to uncurl, his feet slipping farther down the bed. “Look, it’s...if that is truly how you see the world, then that memory isn’t nearly as horrifying. I know now that your motivation wasn’t to disgrace me. I swear, I’m nothing if not resilient.”

“Yeah, but...I’m kind of traumatized,” Stark admitted, wincing. “I don’t want to hurt you. I  _ have _ hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

Loki blinked at him. He hadn’t exactly expected the man to be so affected by this, but then again Stark wasn’t thinking of him as a thrall. He still saw Loki as an equal despite all everything, and it made Loki warm to him a little more. “Thank you? Though I’m not quite sure you owe me one.”

“Yeah, see, if someone didn’t apologize after all this, they’d be an asshole.”

“Well I’m lucky to have you, then,” Loki said, his mouth quirking up a bit. Hopefully, he was beginning to sound like himself once more.

Stark sighed, lying down next to him. “Let’s just take a break for a bit, alright? That was a heavy discussion.”

“Stark,” Loki said, brows furrowing. “Do  _ you _ want to stop?”

He could hear the man beside him grumble. “Not really?” he finally said. “Only if you want to.”

“That’s a relief,” Loki said. “Otherwise I’d have to tell my master about how you failed to perform.” It was a risk, cracking a joke like that, but Loki hoped it’d lighten the mood instead of making Stark even more uncomfortable.

Stark snorted, and Loki was relieved it had worked.

“If I remember right,” the other man said, and Loki could hear the grin in his voice. “Wasn’t it you that had performance issues?”

“Ah, well,” Loki said, grinning too despite himself. “I only seemed to have those around you. Perhaps it says more about yourself than it does about me.”

“Yeah,” Stark said. “Yeah. I can see how I’m less appealing than an old man and a bird.”

Loki stifled a laugh. Perhaps this conversation wasn’t the most amusing he had ever had, but it did its job to relieve the tension.

“Okay,” Stark said. “I think, if you’ll allow me, I’m gonna touch you again.”

“Alright,” Loki replied. He wasn’t nearly as on edge this time. Now Stark’s gentle touches were almost relaxing. He started slowly again, his fingers brushing lightly at his side.

“Taking a break was a good idea,” Loki commented.

“That’s good to know,” Stark said. “Can I ask something else?”

“Yes. What?” Loki half expected it to be something that’d start another uncomfortable talk.

“Can I straddle you?” he asked, looking slightly guilty again. “It would give me more access.” He made a vague waving gesture towards Loki’s chest.

It was a bit of a relief that they weren’t about to stumble into another minefield. “That’s fine, Stark.”

Stark seemed similarly relieved. He swung his leg across Loki, taking a seat atop his hips. It was only then, when Stark’s ass settled on him, that Loki remembered Stark had told him he liked to be fucked. He twitched and then held still. It was impossible to mask his reaction when he didn’t know what he was feeling or what to mask it _ with _ .

“How’re you doing?” Stark asked, resting his hands on his own thighs instead of continuing to touch the other man.

“Well enough,” Loki murmured.

“Okay.” Stark’s fingers began to stroke over his sides, smoothing over the skin until Loki really did relax again. He grew bolder, his hands slowly venturing over Loki’s ribs. “Is this still okay?”

Loki sighed. “Do you ever stop talking?”

“Not really, no.” Stark’s fingers went a bit higher, tracing up his body until he rubbed his thumbs just under Loki’s pectorals. The harder touch felt odd, and he resisted the urge to squirm. He watched, confused but unwilling to ask, as Stark leaned down. When he was a few inches away he blew hot breath onto Loki’s chest, and now he really was squirming.

Stark pulled back a bit. “You alright?” he asked, still near enough for his words to brush across Loki’s skin.

“Ah, yes, I...” but Loki couldn’t find it within himself to hold still. “It...tickles.”

“Does it?” Stark asked. He sat up fully again, his hand reaching for Loki’s right nipple, and in one swift move, he flicked it.

Loki jerked, his mouth falling open. Stark’s nail had barely grazed the surface, but it shot right through him all the same. He was horribly aware that Stark was watching him, and he worked to get himself back under control.

“Are you still okay?” Stark said.

“I...” he said, but his voice sounded weak. He stopped, swallowed, and tried again. “I am not a woman.”

“Yeah,” Stark affirmed. “You aren’t. Were you not expecting to feel it?”

“Not...really.” Loki could feel himself beginning to flush.

“Right. Uh, not sure if you knew this, but for humans at least a man’s nips tend to be more sensitive. Same amount of nerves as a woman but not as spread out,” he said, holding out his fingers and then bringing them together as a demonstration. “Are you uncomfortable with that? Do you want to stop?”

Loki couldn’t believe he didn’t know such a simple fact about his own body until now. He groaned, covering his face with his arms again, and wondered if there was any way to preserve his dignity.

“Loki, seriously, do you-”

“Stark,” he said, just to cut him off. Stark stopped leaning forwards towards the handcuffs and waited patiently for Loki to continue. It gave him time to try and figure out what he was feeling.

He thought, originally, that the point was to lay him out, feeling him up as if he was a woman, but now that was clearly not the case. He had no idea what Stark was trying to do.

“I don’t understand...what the appeal is,” he admitted.

“Really?” Stark sounded genuinely surprised, and Loki winced. Stark must have guessed by now that Loki hadn’t had sex since he was a youth, and hadn’t experimented with much beyond the usual besides. It was an embarrassment, even though it had been by his own choice.

“Sorry, um,” Stark began, sounding like he was sorting out his own thoughts. “The appeal of nipple play, in general, is how it feels.”

“For you,” Loki corrected. “What is the appeal  _ for you _ ?”

“I...” Stark began. “I like doing this. I’m good at it. Getting other people off gets me off. I thought you knew-”

“You’re servicing me,” Loki said, his voice picking up in ferocity. “You’re servicing me, you deranged madman.”

“Not exactly?” Stark cringed. “I should be honest with you. I, uh...” He took a deep breath, and when he let it out he was steadier. “I like watching you.”

Loki stared at him, and it was Stark’s turn to shift uncomfortably. “I feel like an asshole for admitting that,” he muttered. “Seriously, do you want-”

“Stark,” Loki said to cut him off. “I don’t...I honestly don’t know how to feel about that. But I...” He flexed his fingers, then dropped his eyes back to stare at the bedspread next to him. “I haven’t broken the cuffs.”

Stark stared at Loki’s hands for a moment. “No,” he said. “You haven’t.”

Loki took a shaky breath, eyes flicking to look at the other man’s face only briefly. “That is...you know what it means, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Stark said, resting his warm hands on Loki’s ribs. “I do.”

A shiver ran through Loki, and he let his eyes fall shut again. He was afraid, yes, but not very much so and it was mixed with the anticipation of pleasure. He could feel the quickness of his pulse as his heart forced blood through his body. He couldn’t decide if he should hate himself for letting this be done to him. He knew what Stark had really meant: He liked to watch Loki squirm. Fandral had been the same, telling tales of how he took his time and worked women up to such levels of ecstasy that they begged to be taken. Loki had never thought that he’d be on the receiving end of that kind of attention. No matter how much he cursed himself, he knew a part of him was excited to have a taste.

Stark wasn’t moving. Loki cracked open an eye to look at him. The man was staring at Loki’s chest, watching as it rose and fell with every anxious breath.

“If you ask me if I’m okay  _ one more time _ ,” Loki warned. His voice came out more confident than he felt.

“Okay, your highness,” Stark said, and flicked his nipple again. Loki was able to keep himself mostly still this time, even though he had to bite his tongue to keep down an undignified squeak.

Unlike before, Stark didn’t immediately pull away. Instead, he lightly stroked the nub, and then gently rolled it between two fingers. Loki could feel the flush in his cheeks building, the prickly heat spreading across his face and down his neck. He hooked his fingers over the top of the mattress so he wouldn’t break the chain accidentally when he inevitably started to writhe.

Stark gave him a winning smile and leaned down again, but this time he didn’t stop at giving Loki a hint of the warmth of his mouth.

Stark pressed a gentle kiss to his breastbone, right between his nipples. Loki twitched, lifting his head up just a little bit to get a better look at what the other man was doing. Stark smiled at him again, then his fingers slipped from Loki’s nipple and instead he lazily traced circles around it with his thumb. He ducked back in for another quick peck to his chest, his eyes never straying from Loki’s own.

Loki let his head drop back onto the mattress. That had been too much. The way Stark had looked up at him, as if waiting for his approval, was never going to leave him. He tried closing his eyes but it just played in his head, again and again. He bit the inside of his cheek, hoping the minor pain could ground him.

He startled when Stark’s lips pressed into him again, this time at his ribs. He hadn’t anticipated it; he hadn’t been watching. His throat worked as he looked down just in time to watch Stark plant another kiss on his abdomen.

It reminded him, again, of Fandral. Once, by the fading glow of the fire after a feast, with the others deep in their cups and a great deal of them already snoring, the other man had taken him aside and whispered of a woman. She was beautiful, and he cherished her. He had given her his undivided attention, at every step repeating just how pleasing she was to the eye. Fandral spoke softly into the prince’s ear of how he worked to take her to such heights of ecstasy, kissing and worshiping every part of her body. He went over every part in detail, the embarrassed prince listening attentively until he reached the part where he took her.

He was her, now. He was the beautiful creature that Stark was worshiping. The memory fed into the heat that was building in his body, and in this moment he was able to admit to himself he hadn’t envied Fandral. He’d envied the woman.

“Stark...am I...do you like to look at me?”

“Hmm?” Stark’s head lifted and he looked at him quizzically for a moment, but then a smile crept back onto his face. “Yeah. You’re really nice to look at.”

Loki felt almost dazed. “Am I?”

“Yeah.” Stark stretched to reach the base of Loki’s neck with his lips. “You are,” he murmured against his skin. He ran his knuckles down Loki’s sides, trailing kisses back to the center of his chest. “Extremely nice to look at. Your eyes are stunning, for one.”

“Ah-”

“And your chest. You’re toned.” He propped himself up on one hand to look down at Loki appreciatively. “Your stomach, too,” he added, trailing his fingers across it and watching as Loki’s muscles jumped.

Loki hated the pathetic little gasp that escaped him. He shouldn’t have asked. He hadn’t known how much this would affect him. He was annoyed at himself for it, because  _ of course _ he was the type of idiot who would get turned on by a few pretty words, and it was that annoyance that helped him keep thinking.

“Stark,” he began. He didn’t know exactly what he was going to say, but he knew he needed to say something.

“Yeah?” Stark asked, halfway through leaning forward to press his mouth into the center of Loki’s chest again.

“You’re...extremely unattractive,” Loki said, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. It was so easy to fall back on insults, especially when he felt insecure, and that one had practically been handed to him.

Stark’s mouth twitched. “I am?” he asked, trying to sound serious despite his obvious amusement. “Nobody’s ever told me that. How so?”

Loki had no idea. He had never even thought about how attractive the man may or may not have been until this moment. It hadn’t been important. Even now he couldn’t think of anything to name. “Not any specific part of you. Just together, as a whole, you’re unappealing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re short,” Loki said, and almost immediately regretted it. He didn’t actually want to insult the man, just to regain some semblance of control. He needn’t have feared though, because a moment later he felt a puff of air as Stark started giggling against his skin, his forehead pressed against his breastbone.

“Everyone’s short compared to you.” When Stark looked up again, Loki was surprised to see a fond look in his eyes. “I don’t really mind, it makes it easier to do this.” He lowered his head, hot breath playing over the nipple he’d been teasing for a moment, and then he ran the flat of his tongue over it.

“Fuck,” Loki whined. “Fuck!” His voice sounded high to his own ears. He twisted, his legs pulling up against Stark’s back as he tried to curl in on himself, and then Stark ran his tongue over him again.

“Fuck,  _ Stark _ !”

Stark gave his nipple a quick parting kiss then looked up, cocking his head to the side. “Not slow enough?”

Loki drew in a few shuddery breaths. He couldn’t stop twitching; he could still feel the wetness on his nipple cooling since Stark drew away, and it made him want Stark’s mouth right back where it had been. It was too much, though. It was too much, and he had felt so  _ vulnerable _ . He couldn’t take it.

“Loki?” Stark tried again. “Was that too fast?”

Loki couldn’t trust his own voice. Had it been too fast? He couldn’t imagine any level of slowness would make something like that easier to handle.

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you say ‘fuck’, I think,” Stark mused, and his gaze lifted again to Loki’s hands.

He hadn’t broken the chain. Loi swallowed, watching Stark’s face as the other man thought.

“You didn’t want me to ask again,” he began cautiously, and waited to see how Loki would respond.

Loki could hear his own harsh, uneven breathing as it picked back up. He wasn’t going to stop the other man, he already knew. Telling him he could keep going felt impossible, but Stark coming to that conclusion on his own he could take. He was just waiting, now, for Stark to continue. He hoped desperately that he wasn’t about to embarass himself too much.

Stark took a few more moments, and then began to lean down slowly, his eyes on Loki’s all the while. Loki tried his best to hold still. When Stark got close again, though, he couldn’t help but whisper “Oh, fuck.”

The other man paused again, and Loki felt as if he was dying. The tension was too much.

“Um, side note,” Stark said. “You can make as much noise as you want. This room is soundproofed. Should’ve told you earlier, but.”

“ _ Stark _ ,” Loki managed to get out.

“Okay, okay.” The man gave his nipple another peck before licking him again.

Loki’s head fell backwards, his lips parting. It shouldn’t have felt so good. He was sure it shouldn’t have. He’d had sex with women, he’d even had their mouths on his cock, so something simple like this shouldn’t have affected him anymore. It shouldn’t have compared. He thought that, and yet when Stark’s tongue swept over him again he couldn’t help but groan, screwing his eyes shut.

Stark’s fingers found Loki’s other nipple, the lightest brush of their touch making him writhe again. It had been ignored, and now Stark was reminding him how neglected it was. A part of Loki wanted Stark’s mouth there as well. Instead, Stark sealed his lips over Loki’s other nipple and sucked.

Loki found himself arching into the sensation, biting his lip to keep from howling. Stark indulged him, pulling more of him in as he increased the pressure. It was only a few seconds before he released him, though, his tongue swiping over the area one last time.

Loki felt like he could breathe again. He collapsed back onto the bed and shivered when he felt Stark continue lightly caressing his more neglected nipple.

Stark went back to kissing the abused nub for a moment. It didn’t take long for him to start swirling his tongue around it, and Loki almost whimpered. The suction had made him feel just a little more tender, but given how it had felt already it was almost a cruelty. He shifted, readjusting his legs as he felt his cock begin to harden. It was a good thing Stark was leaning forward, now, because if Stark felt his erection against his ass Loki was sure that one way or another he would die.

Stark  _ wouldn’t _ kill him though, would he? Loki heard Stark’s voice echo in his mind again, saying that he liked to be fucked.

He didn’t want to think about it, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Stark might let him enter his ass, how the other man might even enjoy it, and that image knocked the breath out of him.

He hated himself for it. He felt so incredibly guilty for even imagining something like that. Taking another man wasn’t dishonorable, but it was incredibly cruel. Though he had done terrible things in his life, Loki had never thought of himself as that sadistic. Right now Stark was showing him kindness, trying to please him even though he didn’t strictly have to, and here he was thinking of doing possibly the most horrible thing one man could do to another. He was vile, he was-

Stark nipped at him, and for a moment he stopped thinking. Loki decided to not let himself go back to the previous thought, making himself just concentrate on what Stark was doing to him. He pushed everything else away, focusing instead on how he could hear Stark panting too, how he breathed harshly through his nose as he used his tongue. He was so enthusiastic, throwing himself fully into lavishing as much attention as he could on the small spot of skin. His fingers still teased the other one, though, and that dichotomy was thrilling. There was always the anticipation that Stark could switch. He was building up to it, and Loki was eager to feel when his lips would close over that one, too. The sensitivity in the other was going down as he adjusted to the feel of what Stark was doing to him, but when his other nipple would get the attention it deserved it would be every bit as sensitive as the other had been. Loki might be glad for the soundproofing, then.

Stark was using his teeth more, now. He nibbled at him, each time the bite getting a little harder. Loki gave a contented sigh, his eyes falling half closed.

“Not too hard, right?” Stark murmured. “I can’t hurt you.”

“No, Stark,” he answered. “It’s...good.” It was easier to admit, now that the line between what their roles were was so very blurry.

Stark nipped him, and Loki pushed back up into it. “I like to hear that,” he said against his skin. “If you’re okay with telling me more.”

“Usually, I think your mouth is your worst trait.” Stark bit him lightly again, and he was delighted when the other man pulled on him with his teeth. “But, ah. This is...this is a good use for it.”

It was Stark’s turn to twitch. He buried his face in Loki’s chest, and Loki was more than willing to let him. It occurred to him that Stark liked being talked to like that, that he liked being  _ demeaned _ , if his reaction was anything to go by. It was insanity, and it made Loki want to do it more.

“You’re talented,” he managed to say, and was rewarded with a hard bite. He moaned, pressing back up into the intensity of the feeling. It wasn’t painful, it couldn’t be, so all he felt was the force of it.

“Did you like that?” Stark growled.

“Yes!”

Stark bit him again and Loki howled, his hips twitching upwards. He had no idea how the man would react to that, but soon decided that Stark couldn’t have noticed when the man indulged him again by sinking his teeth into his flesh.

Loki didn’t think for a while, letting the pleasure roll over him. Stark was always his mouth so he never bit the same place twice in quite the same way. He would tug at him, too, and Loki couldn’t help but love it. He dimly thought that if nothing else, he was getting some ideas out of this thrall business.

Suddenly Stark stopped, removing his mouth from his chest. Loki was about to ask him why when he realized that his hips were steadily rocking upwards against nothing. What was more, his legs which he had drawn up close had fallen open, parting like a woman’s.

Loki cried out, snapping them together again. He dreaded looking at Stark. He didn’t know how anyone would interpret this anymore. Would Stark be insulted by his impertinence?

He suddenly had a horrifying thought. What if Stark decided that his legs parting meant that Loki wanted to be taken, however unconsciously? It was an indication of an invitation, and Stark could take it. Loki was seized by a sudden panic. His wide eyes met Stark’s, his hands wrapping around the chain.

Stark leaned forward to awkwardly pat him on the shoulder. “Hey. Whatever it is you’re thinking right now, it’s okay, I promise. I just. I just wanted to ask if you’d do something for me.”

Loki swallowed. “And what would that be?”

“I...” Stark looked sheepish. His fingers grazed over Loki’s disregarded nipple again, and he shuddered. “You don’t have to, but I’d like to hear you asking me to play with this one.”

Loki let out the breath he was holding, feeling some of the fear ebb. So that was all. He would be fine. “Alright,” he said quietly, letting himself settle down again. “Stark...” he trailed off, realizing just what he’d been asked to say. What Stark asked probably meant he wanted to hear Loki beg.

He closed his eyes, giving himself a moment to breathe. Stark waited for him, except now Loki could feel the tension in the other man’s body.

“You don’t have to,” he said again. “I don’t know why you...um...got spooked, but...” He paused for a second, and then moved towards the nipple anyway. “You know, I’ll just...”

“Wait,” Loki said softly. If it was just words, and those words proved to give Stark more pleasure and Loki more time, he could bring himself to do it. A part of him wanted to, even, given what Stark had been doing for him just now.

“Do you want to stop?”

Loki groaned, opening his eyes just to glare at Stark. “ _ No _ .” His fingers dropped from where they had been curled around the chain just to prove it. “I just...am trying to find the words.”

“‘Stark, please, I want your mouth on my nipple’?” the other man proposed. “Or...’bite me’? That’d be...” He ran a hand through his hair. “Or you could call me ‘Tony’. I’d like that.”

“Tony, please,” Loki began, and from the look on Stark’s face, he was doing it right. “I imagine you’ve been keen to hear me say this since you started. Now, why don’t you do what you set out to do,” he breathed, “and put your mouth on me.”

Tony groaned, doing exactly as he was asked when his mouth fell on Loki’s chest.

“Fuck!” Loki howled, pressing back up into it. It was just as intense as the other had been, but this time Stark wasn’t bothering to go slow. His hand fumbled for Loki’s abused nipple and began to pinch and tug, finally twisting it while he bit down on the other.

Loki cried out, not bothering to stop his hips from moving again. They rolled against empty air, and he desperately wished he had something to press himself against. He wasn’t about to come, but he  _ wanted _ to. He wanted to feel himself come as someone tormented his chest.

He was about to say so, to ask Stark to let him have that too because he thought the man would like to hear it, when he felt Stark’s hips twitch against his belly. With a start, he realized he could feel that the man was hard.

It might have been fine if Stark hadn’t done it again. Loki could have been able to ignore it, but Stark moved and Loki could feel the other man’s erection sliding against his own stomach. Loki suddenly realized that for a while, with the way he had been twitching and writhing under Stark, he’d been giving the other man pleasure. He should have known, he should have thought about it, but it wasn’t just about watching Loki. Stark had wanted to grind against him earlier, hadn’t he? This was different, it was a different position, but the man was still using Loki’s body to sate his own desires. Loki felt like an idiot. Stark wasn’t straddling him for ‘access’ at all.

Stark groaned, pressing against him harder, and Loki couldn’t take it. The cuffs snapped as easily as he thought they would, and Stark looked up sharply at the sound. He froze, confused, so Loki knocked the other man’s hands away and swept him off to the side.

Stark yelped, tumbling to the mattress, and Loki was quick to sit up and pull his knees closer to himself. He didn’t want the other man to see what he had done.

Loki glanced at his crotch and suspected he might be a hypocrite. He didn’t want to deal with that right now. He didn’t want to deal with Stark’s ideas about manhood, or the collar, or any of it. He was confused again, and he had no idea how to frame any of what happened. Had Stark been lying the whole time? Was he overreacting, panicking because of the horrifying things he told himself? It was hard to tell, and he hated the uncertainty.

“Loki?”

Loki didn’t look at him. He scrambled off the bed and pulled his shirt on as fast as possible. The soft material brushed past his still tender nipples and he sucked in a breath. He was still excited, still desperate to be touched, and he still wanted to come so badly. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this. It was so undignified. He thought that, and yet Stark had already seen him. Loki didn’t know why he hadn’t felt ashamed until now.

“Loki?” Stark had crawled across the bed to sit behind him. “Are you okay?”

“ _ No _ ,” Loki moaned, dropping his head into his hands.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Stark paused for a second before he cautiously asked, “How much time did you get?”

Loki groaned. This was all so  _ stupid _ . It was even harder to figure out Stark’s motivations when the collar was in play. Did Stark actually care? Loki thought it was probable, but that didn’t mean he was certain.

“Fifteen hours,” he muttered in answer.

Stark whistled. “Told ya I could do better than Cap.”

Loki wondered if he was trying to lighten the mood as he himself had done earlier. It didn’t work this time.

He heard Stark shifting again, and Loki remembered that he had mentioned being traumatized. He had looked genuinely upset, too. Loki relaxed marginally. Whatever Stark had done, he could have some faith that it wasn’t malicious.

“You didn’t...” Loki began, trying to offer some reassurance to the man in turn. “I just...” Words wouldn’t come. He didn’t have them. He only had the way he felt, and it wasn’t very pleasant.

“I don’t hate you,” he tried, and it was true enough. It would offer some comfort to the man, but only if he cared about Loki’s opinion of him.

“You wanna go, right?” Stark asked. “I can ask Friday to check if the hallway is clear, and you can go whenever you want.”

Loki nodded. He tugged the broken manacles off his wrists as Stark called out to his servant.

“Nobody is nearby right now, boss,” she told him. “Loki has a clear shot to his room.”

Loki took one last deep breath, then shoved himself forward towards the door. His legs were slightly wobbly but he was still able to make it without falling over himself.

“If you need anything,” Stark called after him when he reached the door, “just tell Friday, okay? Anything.”

Loki didn’t bother telling him that was an order this time. He didn’t want to speak, and he couldn’t see it becoming an issue. Instead, he just nodded, shuffling out into the hall.

He moved quickly to his room, nearly slamming the door behind him. It only took him a second before he collapsed on his knees in the spot where his bed used to be, rushing to remove his trousers. Despite everything, he still wanted to come.

He was panting again by the time he got his pants off. His cock hung heavily between his legs and he moaned at the sight of it. He was so ready, he wanted it so badly. He knew he must look like a desperate mess, kneeling on the hardwood with his socks and shirt still on, but no one could see him now except himself.

His hands ran up the inside of his thighs and he trembled. This would be good, it would be so good, and he could focus on that instead of what just happened. He let his head hang back, his eyes closed as his hands neared his cock, ready to give him that sweet release.

It was then that the collar decided to reveal that he wasn’t allowed to touch himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I have a lot to say about this fic in general. Basically, I added the "internalized homophobia" tag, but the Norse idea of sexuality was different than the one most of us are familiar with. I tried to explain it as best as I could in the fic, but if there are any questions left to be answered let me know!
> 
> I also realize that Tony didn't mention the existence of trans people when he could have, but given how overwhelmed Loki was at the time it wasn't exactly the best opportunity to get into it. I'm mentioning this now because he's going to try and explain that later.
> 
> I'm considering bringing Pepper into the fic later. Would anyone be interested in that? I'm sort of interested in that so it might happen anyway, but it's always nice to ask.
> 
> Finally, I want to say that if you have any suggestions for what the others can do to buy Loki time, I'm open to that! I have a plan for what's going to happen for the rest of this day, but after that I have nothing set in stone. Right now I'd like suggestions of things that are above the belt because it will be a while before anything beyond that happens. Thanks!
> 
> I'm marzipandandy on tumblr and I like it when people come to talk to me. I'm thinking of posting previews for really long chapters like this one if that works as an incentive.


	7. A Miserable Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki tries very hard to thwart the collar, to a marginal degree of success.

Loki whined high in his throat, biting his lip as he looked back down at himself. His hands still rested on the inside of his bare thighs and what he wanted more than anything else at that moment was to move them just the slightest bit farther up. He couldn’t, though; the collar wouldn’t allow him to. It was yet another reminder that his body didn’t belong to him anymore. He belonged to Steve Rogers, and if he was going to finish it would be because his master let him.

He wanted to scream in frustration, but someone passing by in the hall might hear him. His door wasn’t soundproof. All he could do was squirm and wait for his arousal to die.

It was impossible to leave himself alone, though. He couldn’t touch with his hands, but if he put his thighs just a little bit closer together and leaned forward, maybe...

It wasn’t enough. He could trap his cock between his thighs and stomach, but the slight pressure with no friction wouldn’t get him there. He straightened up, clenching his teeth, and looked around for anything that might help. He had never not had his hands before. There had to be something that he could use to help him finish. He needed...

“No,” he moaned when the collar pushed at him. “No, no no...” He should have told Stark that was an order. He didn’t have much time, but he realized that the collar responded to his thoughts. If he could reframe it, he didn’t have to go through the humiliation of asking for something to masturbate with.

_ I don’t need to finish _ , he thought to himself.  _ I want to finish. I don’t need to, so I don’t need something to help me. _

Amazingly, the collar backed off. He took a deep breath, ridiculously grateful that it had worked. It told him something new about how the collar operated, too. He’d have to remember to mention it later. Right now he was more focused on shoving his hands up his shirt, reaching for his nipples.

He wasn’t allowed to touch those either.

Loki gritted his teeth. He was starting to shake out of frustrated want. He pushed his hair back and his eyes alighted on the closet. It was small, an alcove really, but on the top shelf there they were:  _ spare pillows _ .

Climbing onto his trembling legs, he stumbled over towards them. His excitement was building again now that he had seen a way of satisfying it. He threw the two pillows to the floor and felt around for cases because he absolutely was not going to ruin one in his eagerness. He didn’t want to know what the punishment for destroying property would be.

Loki dropped back to the floor as soon as he found them, wrestling the cases on. He was dimly aware that this was so completely fucking undignified. He knew he’d regret the memory, but that knowledge wasn’t enough to make him stop.

He stacked the pillows on top of each other, intent on leaning over and rocking against the pile, but found that when he was thinking about that he wasn’t allowed to touch them with his hands either. He groaned in despair but didn’t allow himself to give up yet. If he couldn’t use them to hold the pillows in place, then the next best thing was to swing his legs over them and press himself down. He did just that, and after what felt like an eternity of not being touched it was exquisite. He spread his legs as wide as possible so his weight would force him down further and his eyelids fluttered closed.

Loki let himself fall forward, his hands thudding to the hardwood just in front of the pillows. It gave him more pressure from his own body and the floor beneath him. He began rocking experimentally and  _ oh _ , he was finally getting somewhere. Finally, finally, finally...

He managed to move the pillows up enough that they began bumping against his wrists and had to readjust. Hands were still forbidden, but it didn’t seem like the collar was going to stop him from getting off without them. It wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t need it to be.

Trying to keep himself quiet, he kept rocking down into the pillows. He worked up to a slow, steady pace. Now that he had something to move against he didn’t feel so desperate. It felt like he had some power again. He could breathe easier and let himself enjoy the sensation.

He had loosened up, managing to really get into a rhythm, when there was a knock on the door. Loki froze, his eyes flying open as they snapped towards the door.

“Loki?” he heard Strange’s muffled voice call. “Can I come in?”

“No!” Loki called breathlessly as he scrambled to his feet. He swallowed, then added in a stronger voice, “A minute, please.”

As he rushed to shove the pillows away into the closet, he couldn’t help but think that this was absolute bullshit. He had been told Strange would be coming back today, but he had some absolutely terrible timing. Perhaps he could ask him to come back later, but he didn’t really want to explain if he was questioned and besides which, Strange was still his best bet to get out of this situation. He could play with himself all he wanted once he wasn’t a thrall.

Thinking of that, Loki looked back down. He was still so hard. He managed to yank a pair of boxers over himself, but there was absolutely no way he’d be able to wear tight pants. It was uncomfortable just thinking about it. He dug through his closet, looking for anything that might work. At the back, he found two items of clothing he wished he could forget he had.

Sometime in the past, Stark had given everyone in the facility a pair of grey sweats. His name and logo was printed across the chest of the hooded sweatshirt and written again down the left leg of the pants. Loki  _ hated _ them, but right now he had to admit that they’d be the best clothes for hiding his arousal.

He stripped off his shirt, throwing it back into the closet, and pulled on the loose fitting garments. A quick glance in the mirror showed that Loki looked like he was drowning in them, but that was largely the point. No one would be able to tell how turned on he was, not unless they read too much into the flush of his cheeks.

Loki tore the door open, not wanting to leave Strange waiting much longer. It was suspicious to leave him standing out in the hallway for too long.

“Hello,” Loki said, brushing the hair out of his eyes.

Strange had been leaning on the wall across from him and looked a bit startled by Loki’s sudden appearance. Loki lifted his chin, trying to keep his face unreadable. He was still instantly paranoid, thinking that Strange  _ had _ to know somehow. Was there a smell? Had the man heard something? Was there a way for him to tell how weak Loki’s legs felt?

“Hi,” Strange answered slowly. “Have you had lunch yet?”

Loki blinked at him. “Ah...no. What time is it?”

“Nearly twelve. I’d like to take another look at your collar down in the lab, but we should eat first. How much time do you have?”

Loki swallowed. “Fifteen hours, or somewhere thereabouts?” Strange couldn’t know exactly what happened from the number, but the nature of what earned him those hours was painfully clear.

If Strange was surprised, he didn’t let it show on his face. “I’m going to pop out quickly and buy something to eat,” he said blandly. “I’ll meet you in the dining room.”

Loki nodded. Strange inclined his head slightly and then turned around and walked through his portal.

Covering his face with his hand, Loki allowed himself to slump against the wall. This situation was absolutely miserable. He couldn’t let himself wallow for too long, though. If he dwelt on it he’d start to spiral, and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

There wasn’t any point in putting it off, and so Loki began to trudge towards the dining room. It was uncomfortable and awful and he had to walk slowly or he’d make it worse, but at least that would serve to make his arousal ebb. That was something, at least. He didn’t want to be eating sandwiches with Strange while he while he was still fully at attention.

He just had the thought that he wouldn’t like to run into anyone else when he stepped into the dining room and saw Thor sitting at the table. He wanted to spin and walk right back out the door, but his brother had spotted him.

“Loki!” he called, trying to grin. There were still bags under his eyes.

“You’re not sleeping,” Loki said disapprovingly.

Thor’s face dropped. “Ah. I tried to, brother. I did. Sleep would not take me.” He waved a hand vaguely in the direction of the kitchen. “Then I heard my stomach growl and realized it was lunchtime, and so I found myself here. Strange is back! He agreed to fetch me something to eat. He offered me coffee as well but I didn’t take it. I will try to sleep again after I have had my fill.”

Loki let out a breath. “I suppose that’s fine, then.” He took a seat across from Thor and hoped to the norns that he wasn’t moving oddly.

They sat in silence for a while. Thor fidgeted, and Loki could guess what he was thinking. He wished he couldn’t. He wasn’t exactly eager to discuss any of this with his brother. At least Thor wasn’t asking.

The silence was broken with Strange’s reappearance. “I got Chinese,” he said by way of greeting as he set down a plastic bag on the table and began to pull out the little white boxes. “Help yourselves.”

Loki got up to grab them plates, but still called out behind him, “That was an order, Strange.”

Strange looked confused for a second. “Sorry. It’s not a bad one, is it?”

“All of them are bad,” Loki sighed as he set himself down again. “There could be unforeseen consequences.”

“I take it back,” Strange said as if suddenly realizing that he could. “You don’t have to help yourself. You  _ can _ .”

“Thank you,” Loki said, sliding them their plates before scooping some food onto his own. “You can, as well.”

Strange looked at him for a moment before doing so. “I suppose, no matter what, you’ll never stop being you.”

“I should hope not.”

“So, Loki,” Thor cut in. He floundered for a moment, looking for a reason to have interrupted. “I thought you swore to never wear Stark’s clothes. What changed?”

Loki groaned, dropping his head into his hands.

Strange spoke for him. “You really should not ask that question.”

Thor shot a confused glance at his brother.

“He’s right.” Loki poked at his food with his chopsticks before popping a piece of broccoli in his mouth so he wouldn’t be expected to elaborate.

“Sorry,” Thor said meekly. He looked down at his hands, equally unable to meet his brother’s eyes. “I...anyway.” He swallowed, before suddenly blurting out, “This chicken is very good!”

“Indeed it is,” Loki said, glad to be talking about anything else. “It’s so unlike anything on Asgard, but I find myself appreciating it all the more for that.”

As he and his brother went over the finer points of Midgardian cuisine, Loki couldn’t help but think that Strange speaking up for him meant that he  _ knew _ . He knew what Loki had been doing in that room by himself, and he had no idea of the wider context. All Strange saw was that he was aroused by his own subjugation. The shame of it ate at him. At least he was most definitely not excited now.

Before Thor left again to try and sleep, he caught Loki’s hand. “I love you,” he said again. “No matter what. I love you.”

Loki put his other hand over Thor’s and took a deep breath. “I’m not going off to my death, you know,” he said, tilting his head towards Strange. “All that he’ll do is look at the collar.” He gave Thor’s hand a quick pat and Thor let him go. “I hope you sleep well, your majesty. If you don’t I might be cross.”

“I believe you will be,” Thor said. He pressed his lips together, looking Loki over one last time, before reluctantly heading out the door.

“Come on, then,” Strange said, leading Loki in the opposite direction. They walked in silence all the way to the lab.

The minute the door shut, Loki said, “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Knew what?”

“Why I’m wearing this.” He was flushing furiously. “I wasn’t...I don’t enjoy this. I’m not-”

“It’s a natural reaction to sexual stimuli,” Strange said, fiddling with some device Loki didn’t recognize. “It happens. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Loki wasn’t convinced. There was no possible way that Strange could believe what he was saying. Even if he did, Loki had been by himself in that room.

The skepticism must have shown on his face. “I’m a doctor,” Strange sighed. “Do you have any idea how often men get unwanted erections during medical exams? I can’t even begin to say how many times I’ve had it happen when-”

“St-” Loki began, but the collar pressed upon him. He struggled to find words. “Please stop talking!” He was breathing hard, his eyes wide and horrified.

Strange’s gaze snapped to him. He opened his mouth, closed it, and looked back at what he was doing. “I’m sorry. I just...” He took a deep breath. “Look, I don’t have the best bedside manner. It’s why I became a surgeon instead of taking a job that would require me to talk to people.” He pressed his lips together, considering his words more carefully. “What I can say is...it’s perfectly normal, even if you didn’t enjoy it, to have that kind of reaction.” He paused for a moment before adding, “I can imagine that it’s incredibly stressful for you. I don’t want to make that worse. I guess the best approach to this situation is honesty, and I honestly think that however you want to handle this is the right way to go.” Strange looked nervous, his usual guardedness replaced by concern that his words had been the wrong ones. He was watching Loki for his reaction.

Loki swallowed, turning away. Strange hadn’t made him feel better, exactly, but knowing what the man thought helped make him feel more grounded. At least Strange didn’t think he was some sort of deviant.

“Let’s just...” he waved a hand in the direction of his neck. “Let’s just get this over with, shall we?”

“We can do that.”


	8. A Helping Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are no good solutions to this, only less bad ones.
> 
> OR
> 
> Steve tries to be the best man he can be, given the circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note for those of you who know I had personal things going on: I did take a break, but I already had this mostly done before I did. It's kinda nice that I only had to do a little bit of work to finish it, and I'm getting back into my beloved writing hobby now <3 Thank you for reading!

The meeting with Strange wasn’t as terrible as it could have been. Strange studied the collar in a way that was absolutely clinical. That was good because the hum of arousal was buzzing just beneath Loki’s skin. It felt like anything remotely suggestive could bring it back to the surface. Still, it had taken far too long, and after he was done Loki retreated to his bedroom. Thor was sleeping anyway, and Loki didn’t particularly want to see anyone else. He stayed there for most of the rest of the day, and when he did leave he asked Friday to warn him if anyone was coming. He skipped dinner with everyone and later on Rogers brought him a plate, but that was the extent of his human interaction.

He was in the middle of picking out several pairs of clothes to take with him for tomorrow when the collar pushed at him. It was time to return to his master’s bedchambers. He grabbed everything he had laid out, hoping Rogers wouldn’t mind the clutter too much, and set out towards his room. For the time being he could just put them under his bed and work out a better arrangement later.

Loki was dreading arriving at his destination, but not for the obvious reason. He had already been seen completely divested of clothes; there was nothing to fear from that anymore. No, it was because Rogers’s room was damnably  _ cold _ . It was especially noticeable when Loki was completely bare.

The room was empty again when he reached it. Loki stored the clothing he was holding under his bed, and at the same time got a brief glance at the clock on Rogers’s nightstand. The bright digital numbers read 9:23. He might tell Rogers later, because if he did then surely the man wouldn't leave him on his knees for too long.

Loki knelt at the foot of Rogers’s bed, directly across from the door. As he tugged off his clothes, he suddenly realized that it wasn’t chilly enough for gooseflesh to rise on his arms. The room was actually cozy and warm, both with clothes on and without. Perhaps Rogers had already considered the temperature for him. It was another unexpected kindness, and it made his chest feel tight.

After a moment, though, Loki wished he wasn’t quite so comfortable. In the warm room, with nothing else to do, the thoughts that he had pushed away all day rushed back into his mind. He squirmed, trying to resist, but the memory of Tony Stark looking up at him as if asking for direction was impossible to ignore. There was no discomfort or distraction now to stop his body from coming back to life.

Loki bit the inside of his cheek and tried to think about anything else. He could trace the patterns in the wood floor with his eyes, coaxing his mind into a state of gentle blankness. Surely without any encouragement the heat in his body would fade, or at least his cock would soften again. It might have worked, had he more time before he heard Rogers walking down the hallway.

The collar thrummed with energy at the knowledge of his imminent mortification, and to Loki’s ears it almost sounded like a purr. It wanted his master to see him like this, kneeling and half hard while awaiting his arrival, and Loki could not be permitted to ruin the visual. It wanted to position him, and Loki could feel the promise of pain in his mind if he didn’t do what he was told. His hands shook as he obediently moved them behind his back, grasping his arms at the elbows so that his shoulders were pulled back and his chest was on display. Loki closed his eyes, turning his face to the side as he waited to be found.

The door opened, and Loki was glad he couldn’t see the look on Rogers’s face. It was awful just to know that he was being watched. Loki could feel himself trembling, and he didn’t think he could keep it together if he knew what sort of things was running through the other man’s head.

Loki heard when Rogers managed to unfreeze, quickly stepping inside and slamming the door.

“Sorry, I...the hallway...you can move,” Rogers stammered. Loki sagged, pulling his legs up and wrapping his arms around them.

“I...should I come back later?” Rogers asked.

Loki lifted his face just a little so he could peek at him over his knees.

“I mean, so you can...” he gestured vaguely in Loki’s direction. “Take care of that in privacy.”

“Don’t bother,” Loki murmured, and Rogers almost jumped.

“Oh, you can talk!”

“Yes. I’ve got hours.”

“Good to know. I didn’t know if this...” he waved his hand at Loki again, “changed anything. Okay.” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking at a spot over Loki’s shoulder. “Why shouldn’t I bother?”

Loki’s stomach sank like a stone. “You won’t enjoy the answer.”

Rogers took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. When they opened again, there was a new determination in them. “I’ll control myself.”

Loki considered him for another moment before he sighed. “I’m not allowed,” he said miserably. “My body is yours. I...” He rubbed his temples, deciding to use the phrasing the collar kept pressing into his head. “I can’t take what isn’t given to me.”

Rogers’s face darkened as Loki had known it would. Loki closed his eyes again, waiting for his master to calm enough to speak.

“That’s bullshit,” Rogers said with feeling.

“Mm.”

“That’s  _ bullshit _ .”

“I do not disagree.”

Loki could hear Rogers fidgeting above him. Loki stayed where he was on the floor. He was still aroused despite it all, and he wasn’t thrilled at the idea of giving Rogers more of an eyeful than he already had.

It was a few minutes before Rogers attempted to speak again. “So, I...if you...” Rogers shifted and tried to start over. “Just, I’m thinking, if you can’t do it yourself and it has to be given...”

Loki froze, his eyes rising slowly to meet Rogers’s. “What are you saying?”

“You don’t need to say yes!” Rogers rushed out, holding up his hands. “I’m just. Offering to help. With that.” He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. The next time he spoke his voice was steadier. “I’m sorry if I upset you, but you’re being forced into this situation and you don’t deserve to have your bodily autonomy taken away. I know it’s not the same, but the option is there.”

Loki stared at him. It was hard to believe he just heard Rogers say that, but there it was. Rogers stood in place, slowly growing more and more awkward. Loki wondered if he was waiting for a response. If Rogers was, he seemed to run out of patience.

“You can get up,” Rogers as he turned away.

Loki didn’t. Instead, he listened to the sounds of his master changing into his bedclothes. He was still hard; if anything, he was getting harder. The tantalizing prospect of actually getting off today was too great a draw. By the time the rustling of cloth stopped, Loki had come to a decision.

“Yes,” he said, his voice barely audible.

“What?”

“I said yes,” Loki said, clasping his hands together to hide the trembling. “Please...help me.”

Loki was half afraid that Rogers would just grab him and get it over with. Instead, he heard Rogers walk over slowly and crouch down beside him. Loki shivered when he felt the brush of a finger on his back. Rogers froze for a moment, then laid the rest of his hand down gently and began rubbing soothingly up and down Loki’s spine. Slowly but surely, Loki relaxed into it.

“Do you want to be on the bed?” Rogers asked quietly.

Loki nodded.

Rogers stood first, reaching down to offer Loki a hand. Loki took it gladly, letting himself be pulled to his feet and then backing away until the backs of his thighs hit the end of Rogers’s bed. He fought the urge to cover himself, curling his hands into the bedsheets to keep them there.

Rogers was considerate enough to approach slowly, settling down on Loki’s right. Loki did his best to steady himself and then made himself sit properly. He couldn’t look at the other man; his eyes were drawn to his own dick. It was flushed and throbbing, now standing fully at attention. That was another humiliation on top of all the rest.

Loki felt so incredibly vulnerable. A part of him wanted to stop this before it even was started, but he had made his decision and besides which he already knew the moment after he refused he’d be regretting it.

Rogers looped an arm around his back, pulling him gently into his side. Loki’s breath stuttered, but he told himself he couldn’t panic. If he did, Rogers might back off and he’d have to come down by himself again. That possibility weighed heavily on his mind. Rogers could just stop, whenever he wanted, and Loki wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Roger’s other hand fell on his knee and he almost flinched. Loki closed his eyes, turning his face away again. He hoped Rogers wouldn’t take it as a sign he wanted to stop. Loki couldn’t bear scaring the other man off and being left wanting for the third time that day. He was both dreading and desperate for the hand on his knee to trail further up.

“Loki?”

It took Loki a second to unclench his jaw so he could respond. “Yes?”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

The breath Loki had been holding left him in a huge gust, and he sagged into a position approaching relaxed. Rogers pulled him a little bit closer, his hand petting Loki’s side.

“We can go as slow as you like.”

Loki groaned. The idea appealed to a part of him, but the words that tumbled out of his lips next were, “Touch me,  _ please _ .”

A moment later he cried out, not having expected Rogers’s fingers to curl around the base of his dick so quickly. His eyes flew open, taking in the sight of the unfamiliar hand on him. He had never been so aware before of how easily a partner could harm him, but now it was the only thing on his mind.

Rogers snatched his hand back and Loki took a few moments to pant, willing his heart rate to slow. Fuck,  _ fuck _ . Rogers hadn’t hurt him, he’d done exactly as Loki asked, and Loki had squealed at the contact anyway. Loki felt sick with himself, resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to get to finish tonight, and possibly not until the collar was off.

“Are you okay?”

Loki bit back a groan. Rogers hadn’t taken the arm from around him at least, so perhaps he could salvage the situation.

“I do want this,” he said as calmly and confidently as he could manage. “I do.”

“But it’s me?”

“No!” Loki said firmly, his remembering how Rogers had offered to call Natasha earlier. “No. You’re...thank you, for doing this.” His eyes met Rogers’s for a moment, but that was a mistake. Rogers’s face looked so openly concerned and that was going to kill him. His gaze snapped down to the hand resting at his side.

“I’m sorry that I had to ask, but thank you. I’ll be quiet now, I swear, just please. Let me finish.”

He felt pathetic, having to beg his master to be allowed to come. The collar thrilled at it. Loki kept his eyes open, preparing himself for when Rogers would reach for his cock again. His teeth ground together from the tension in his jaw.

“I was the one that suggested this,” Rogers said firmly. The arm around Loki pulled him the slightest bit further into his chest. “You don’t need to do that, okay?” Rogers paused for a second, and Loki felt him gently breathing against his side.

“If you want me to stop, or-”

“Master,  _ please _ .” Loki hadn’t intended for the title to slip out, but what was one more indignity on top of all the rest? “This is the third time today; I’m going  _ mad _ .”

Rogers patted him on the back, shooting him a tentative smile. “Well, we can’t have that.” He brought his right hand back to Loki’s hip, grazing it lightly and watching Loki’s reaction. “The third time?”

Loki groaned. “Yes. Stark...” He looked away, chewing on his cheek. “Anyway. Afterwards, I realized...and now.”

“Oh.” Rogers’s hand inched closer to his cock and Loki jerked, then forced himself to hold still.

“You okay?”

“Yes.”

“You know you can tell me if you aren't, right?”

“I’d rather not take that chance, honestly.”

“It’s not a chance. We can take however long you like, I promise. I’ll make sure you...” Rogers paused for a moment, and Loki noticed the tops of his ears turning slightly pink. “I’ll make sure you come.”

Loki took a sharp breath through his nose. He held still for a moment, teeth nipping the insides of his lips, before he took Rogers’s wrist and gently guided the other man’s hand to his cock.

The contact after so long of wanting was almost too intense and he was squirming before he realized. Loki’s breath left him in quick little gasps as he tried to adjust, his fingers clenched around Rogers’s wrist so the man couldn’t move. Rogers let him, running his spare hand up and down Loki’s back as he trembled.

“Oh gods,” Loki breathed. “Oh.”

“Does that mean it’s good?”

“What kind of-” Loki was cut off by an involuntary shiver, his eyes sliding shut momentarily. “What kind of question is that? Does it - of course it does.”

“That’s good, then.” Rogers tested Loki’s hold on his wrist, and after a moment Loki let him go, his hand instead grabbing at the back of Rogers’s shirt.

Rogers tentatively began to stroke, moving his hand just slightly over the base of his shaft. It was the barest of touches, and still Loki let out a low, shaky moan. He wanted to rock his hips into it but through an incredible amount of self-control managed to hold back. Even if Rogers wouldn’t be disturbed by it, he couldn’t take seeming eager.

The other man grew bolder, tightening his hand around Loki’s cock. His strokes were still slow, but they went further up his length now. Rogers hadn’t yet reached the head of his cock, but the soft drag of foreskin against the tip made his eyelids flutter.

Loki wasn’t sure when his head ended up on Rogers’s shoulder.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine,” Loki sighed, his eyes half closed.

“Is this good? Will you come like this, or do you need more?”

“A few more minutes, like this.”

“Okay.”

Roger’s touch was steady, gentle, and consistent. After all the turmoil of that day, it felt incredibly nice. At this point, he trusted Rogers enough to know the man wouldn’t spring anything else on him and catch him off guard. Loki could let himself relax and enjoy the sensations. His pleasure built until his thighs began to quiver.

“Close?”

Loki’s breath was coming in quick pants, and it took him a moment before he could gasp out, “Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Rogers didn’t change the pace, going just as steady and smooth as he had been, and a few seconds later Loki was coming. His eyes flew open as it hit him, watching as his cock shot his load. It dripped down, coating Rogers’s hand as he stroked Loki through his orgasm.

“Fuck,” Loki whispered. “Fffuck. Ah!”

Rogers hummed in agreement, his fist slowing down. The arm around him gave him one last brief squeeze, and then Rogers was letting go and gently laying him on his back.

“Wait there,” he said softly, before getting up and circling around the bed.

Loki was instantly more alert, but it wasn’t too difficult to let himself relax again. He didn’t know what Rogers was doing, but he had probably just used a turn of phrase. Loki would alert him in a minute, but right now he was comfortable and warm and satisfied.

“Okay,” Rogers said, and Loki felt the bed dip down near his waist. He opened his eyes to blink up at Rogers, who was holding a box of tissues. “You can’t touch yourself, so I can clean you up?”

“Actually,” Loki said, trying to fight off the post-orgasm laziness. “That’s only for...I just can’t with the intent to...” he waved a hand to indicate his softening cock. “Thank you, but...” Instead of continuing to speak, Loki reached towards the tissue box.

“That’s a relief,” Rogers said, lowering it so Loki could grab one more easily. Loki let his eyes fall shut again, wiping himself off by feeling alone.

“Tired?”

Loki hummed in agreement. Usually he wasn’t one to fall asleep right after finishing, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. Still, there was one issue to address.

“Ro- Ah. Master? How long should I wait for?”

It took Rogers a second to work out what he had meant. “Oh! The wait is over, I just wanted to get the tissues. You can stop waiting.”

“Thank you,” Loki said, forgetting again for a second and cutting himself off at the last moment before he said ‘Rogers’ aloud. “Master.”

“You can call me Steve,” Rogers said, tapping Loki’s forearm so he’d hand over the tissue. “I mean, when this is all over.”

“I’ll try to remember.”

It was another few moments before Steve was back, sitting on the bedside. “Hey,” he said, once he had settled himself down. “Your legs are dangling off the bed.”

“Yes.” Loki opened his eyes slightly to look at him. “I don’t have the motivation to move.”

“Want me to help?”

“Hmm.”

It was most assuredly because of the endorphins that Loki was so bold, but he reached out to grasp Steve’s hand. His eyes fell shut again, but his face was still turned towards him. “Can I stay? For a little bit.”

“Of course.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Steve’s thumb rubbing gentle circles on the back of his hand again.

“Your legs are still dangling off the bed.”

Loki yawned, one leg lifting up momentarily before falling where it had been.

“Okay,” Steve said. His hand left Loki’s, and they both felt colder for it. “I’m gonna move you. Is that alright?”

“Where to?” Loki asked, his usual clipped tones softened by sleepiness.

“You can have my bed tonight, if you want. Or I could carry you to yours, or anything, really.”

“I...” With great effort, Loki managed to push himself to sit up. He reached out his hand again, and Steve took it. He seemed to be waiting for Loki to find the words, but Loki wasn’t sure he was going to. He couldn’t just outright ask the other man for a  _ hug _ , but still his hand felt warm and nice in Loki’s and he wanted more.

‘Tell me if I’m out of line here, but...” Steve began, catching Loki’s eyes. “Do you want to cuddle?”

There was no judgment in his voice, and he spoke as if the idea wasn’t unusual in the slightest.  _ Thank the Norns for the strange culture of the Midgardians _ . Loki nodded. Steve began to crawl under the covers so Loki did the same. There was a warm feeling of contentment when he pulled the other man into his arms.


End file.
